MiSTied: Howl For Fire Elke ---------------------------- [ Originally posted on 9/30/96 ] Hello! Coming up is a fan writing project which I have worked with on-and-off (but mostly "off") for about two years. Frankly, given the alleged "quality" of it, you'd never have guessed that, but there are a few side-effects related to this which might be noticeable to some readers, namely: - Some of the jokes are already a bit "dated" by now. Some were removed and/or replaced with different ones, but there are still some of the "old" jokes here and there. - In particular, the jokes regarding the "Calm-Eddy Scent-Roll" cable channel were written quite some time ago. They have been left in mainly because (a) they were already written, (b) otherwise, I'd not have had any commercials, since my other commercial ideas became even *more* out of date, and I didn't feel like writing any new commercials for this thing, (c) I knew I'd never get another chance to use my stupid pun based on the name of the (now former) Comedy Central's VP in charge of programming, and (d) ever since Comedy Central cancelled MST3K, it appears to be even *more* "de rigueur" for MiSTies to make fun of that cable network. - I have no idea about how settings and characters may have changed on TwoMoons MUSH since the time of this role-playing log, so it might not necessarily reflect current situations on the MUSH. Also, obviously some of the characters might not exist anymore and/or are now played by other people. I will readily admit that I don't play this or any other MUSH myself. While Dorinda Hartmann helped me out with the story background and other MUSH-related information (for which I am grateful, as without her help, this MiSTing would not have been possible), it is still perfectly possible that there are some silly errors regarding the interpretation of various MUSH events and character actions. On the other hand, I *also* have no idea who plays/played which characters in this log, so you may rest assured that I mean no personal attack with any of the MiSTing commentary. Overall, this was *tough*. Frankly, this role-playing log isn't exactly an "ideal" piece of material for MiSTing, but it's still one of the few publicly-available options for doing an EQ-related MiSTing-- or at least, of those that wouldn't be so likely to get me in trouble, at any rate. :-) So, if you don't like it, that's perfectly fine-- it's not the world's greatest MiSTing by any measure, and I've probably done better before. It's a bit long too, I know, but there *are* a few jokes that I think work quite well, so perhaps it'll be worth the read. Let me know what you think-- good or bad-- at mkuhn@cs.uiowa.edu Many of you probably have never seen MST3K, much less a fan MiSTing, so this is really a bit of a question mark in terms of how it might go over here. As Dr. Forrester would say, "En-joy!" :-) --Marty ================================= cut here 8<=============================== [Theme song] [Show opens on the Satellite of Love. Apparently Mike and the 'bots have decided to dress up as Elfquest characters-- Mike is dressed up as Redlance, Tom Servo is dressed as Skywise-- he's got a paper "headpiece" thing taped to his dome and a styrofoam "lodestone" hanging from his neck by a piece of yarn. Crow has a fake-fur vest, a paper breechclout tied around his "waist", and a cardboard replica of New Moon taped to one of his hands-- obviously he is supposed to be Cutter. Elfquest graphic novels and comics issues are scattered about the countertop. Mike, Tom, and Crow are standing behind the counter.] MIKE: Hello everyone, and welcome to the Satellite of Love! I'm Mike Nelson, and these are my robot tribesmates Tom Servo and Crow! We're taking some time out from watching cheezy movies by acting out scenes from our favorite comic book series, Elfquest! TOM: [to Mike] That's *graphic* *novel*! MIKE: Well, I think you're right, Tom, but it just wouldn't have sounded as good in that sentence. CROW: Say, where's Leetah? [Gypsy pops her head up into the scene; she has a paper Leetah-style hairpiece taped to the top of her head, and a gold choker around her neck near her head.] GYPSY: [to Crow] Here I am, lifemate! CROW: [to Gypsy] What say we go behind some rocks, and you do that thing that you don't do every time, eh..? MIKE: That's enough of that, Crow... TOM: Say, uh, Redlance-- I can't help but notice that you have *five* fingers, there. MIKE: Well, I wasn't going to cut one *off*, for crying out loud-- let's just say that Wendy was working at 3 AM again, OK? CROW: No, I don't think so. Look at his ears, Skywise-- and he's taller than any of us! TOM: I think you're right Cutter-- looks like we've just found ourselves a *human* in our midst! [Crow and Tom lunge at Mike] ["Commercial Sign" light starts flashing] MIKE: [to us] We'll be right back... [Mike taps the flashing light with his hand] CROW: [leaping at Mike with "sword" raised] Kill the stinking round-eared filth! [scene goes black and switches to a scene featuring lots of jump cuts of various actors performing against plain white backgrounds...] VOICE OVER: ["Penn Jillette" voice] Next Saturday on Calm-Eddy Scent-Roll, it's the Limboland Marathon! That's right! All your favorite episodes of Limboland put back-to-back for 18 hours! Yes, even the fact that we only *have* a total of three episodes of this terrible show won't stop us from trying to milk it into yet another of our tedious marathons! Of course, this *does* mean that MST3K will be pre-empted-- but hey! You'd rather watch this anyway, right? Of course! Remember, we're Calm-Eddy Scent-Roll! And that's no joke! [Scene goes black and switches back to the SoL. Tom and Crow have obviously ceased their attack on Mike, and are now looking down at their hands-- or at least as closely as that is possible, in Tom's case.] MIKE: *Now* do you see..? CROW: Say, yeah, you're *right*! We've got five fingers on each hand too... TOM: Well, what do you know..! [Mad call light starts flashing] MIKE: [notices light] Whoops! Looks like Winnowill and... Picknose are calling! [slaps light with his hand] [Scene switches to Deep 13-- Dr. Clayton Forrester is, coincidentally, dressed as Winnowill, (!) and TV's Frank is dressed as... Two-Edge.] FRANK: [angry] Hey!! DR. F: Oh, shut up, Frank. [to Mike] So, thinking of going on a little quest, are you? [evil grin] Well, are *you* in luck today! But first, a few words about our latest project. FRANK: ...and *boy* is it ever *evil*! EVIL!! [Frank holds up a new hardback copy of The Complete Elfquest-- Book 1: _Fire and Flight_. It appears perfectly normal except for a big rectangular red sticker on the front cover.] [Scene switches to the SoL] MIKE: So..? It's just a copy of Elfquest Book 1! There's certainly nothing evil about *that*! TOM: Boy, I'll say! [Scene switches to Deep 13] DR. F: Ah, you're right, there's nothing evil about that-- *except*-- take a look at *this*! [Dr. F grabs the book from Frank and holds it up so we can see the sticker more clearly-- it's one of those "Special Value" stickers of the sort that bookstores put on remaindered books; it has "Was: $19.95" printed on it, and a new price of "Now: $4.98" hand-written below.] You see, we're going to seed bookstores all over the country with these "remaindered" Elfquest Book 1's! Innocent people everywhere will buy these "bargain" books, take them home, read them, and then-- *giggle* they'll find that they *must* have the rest of the series! FRANK: But, then, the rules change, and the real evilness becomes apparent once they get stuck shelling out twenty bucks apiece for 8 or 9 more graphic novels! *And* a few hundred dollars *more* to get the rest of the back issues which haven't been collected into graphic novel form yet! DR. C: Yes! There's no escape from this little elfin *trap*! And since we've negotiated substantial cuts from all the major bookstore chains *and* Warp Graphics, we're finally going to clean up around here! FRANK: And remember, the first one's four-ninety-eight, kid! Hah hah! DR. C: Speaking of Elfquest, it just so happens that your experiment for this week is *also* related to EQ! [Scene switches to SoL] MIKE: What?? Really..? TOM: Wow! That sounds *great*!! --er, wait a minute-- there's got to be a *catch* here... CROW: Wait-- maybe they're going to send us-- "Darkness Rising!" MIKE: So? We can handle that! [to the Mads] Uh, *are* you going to send us... "Darkness Rising"..? [Scene switches to Deep 13] DR. F: No... what *we've* got is *much* more evil than that..! Though perhaps better written... not that that says much... [Scene switches to SoL] MIKE: So... it's a bad fanfic, perhaps..? [switch to Deep 13] DR. F: Nooooo, not quite. However, your experiment for this week *does* come from the [makes "quote" marks with hands] "Information Superhighway," though-- get ready for... Two Moons MUSH! [Scene switches to the SoL] MIKE: Um, what is that-- some kind of breakfast cereal..? CROW: Wait-- I know what a MUSH is-- it's a role-playing game where people interact in a text-based setting kinda like those old Infocom games, and they can-- TOM: [interrupting] Crow, and how would *you* know so much about MUSHes, hmmm..? CROW: Well, I... [Scene switches to Deep 13] DR. F: Well, your pin-beaked friend there is right! You see, lots of people who read Elfquest become so *enamored* of the fantasy world the elves live in, that they wish they could hunt, howl, and live free just as the Wolfriders do! Unfortunately, most Elfquest readers probably couldn't even handle a hunting knife or draw a *bow*, much less be able to track game by scent or survive an entire winter living in a *tree*. FRANK: So, they've done the next worst thing-- construct a complete role-playing milieu based on the World of Two Moons, where players can create their own elf characters to live therein! Ergo, Two Moons MUSH! DR. F: What you are about to see is a transcript of one such roleplaying session. It deals with a howl for a Wolfrider character who had then been recently killed under some odd circumstances, and features a few characters who... well, you'll see. Let's just say that they're definitely *my* kind of people! Heh heh! Anyway, "grfl pltz," May your eyes see with pain! [to Frank] Send 'em the mush, Frank. [Scene switches to the SoL] CROW: [to Tom] ...so, after playing "Boogers" for a while, I wanted to see what else there was, but I really-- [Lights start flashing, buzzers start buzzing...] MIKE: C'mon you guys, we've got MUSH sign! [general insanity ensues as the "bridge" door opens...] [door sequence; <>...6...5...4...3...2...1 ] [now in theater; Mike and the 'bots take their usual seats] >[This is a log of the howl held for Fire Elke/Lady Elke shortly after her >death in the Underworld Council of August 1994. This howl also took place >in august of '94. The howl was held by Cutter at Lost Holt.] TOM: You mean this log is two *years* old..? Gee, the Mads sure *sat* on this thing a while before sending it to us, didn't they..? MIKE: We should probably be thankful for that, at least. > >Outside the Cave(#4183RL) > > You are now standing in the opening of the cave..If you should look in, > you will see that steps have been shaped into the side of the inner lip > of the cave. TOM: [as narrator] If you *shouldn't* look in, you will see a sign that says "NO TRESPASSING!" > At the bottom of the steps, one can see the glittering of a > large lake. Leading down one side of the cave is a path which heads into > the trees of the forest below. The path can be seen heading off in a > northwesterly direction.. MIKE: Calling all cars! Calling all cars! Be on the lookout for a path! It was last seen heading off in a northwesterly direction! Subject may be armed! That is all! > Vaguely towards the LostHolt. > >Obvious exits: >Down(N) Enter Cave > >You go head down the Volcano's long ardous path. It twines about the mountain MIKE: [as narrator] --forming an even *larger* twine ball than the one in Darwin, Minnesota! >for miles it seems, TOM: Hmm... Do you think the elves *really* express distances using U.S. customary units..? >and finally comes down on the northern side facing a wide >forest that stretches out for a great distance. > >Deep Forest CROW: Is that anything like "Deep Hurting?" TOM: Oh, I hope not. > > Deep within the southern portion of a nameless forest, you see a > monolithic mountain MIKE: "Monolithic mountain?" > rise out of its evergreen carpet into the sky. TOM: ["mother" voice] Rayek! You get that Palace right back here this *instant*! > The top > of the mountain is flattened and its surface black. The large thing is a > hill. CROW: Hey! You just said it was a "monolithic mountain!" > > To the north a small, seldom used trail winds into the bowed depths > leading to an unseen destination. Beneath ones feet is a dark, ash > filled soil which gleams with red and white quartz. MIKE: [announcer voice] We've secretly replaced this trail with Folger's Crystals... > There is something eerie about the quiet stillness. TOM: It's quiet. *Too* quiet. >Obvious exits: >Trail North(N) CROW: Final(S). > >You disembark on the long trail north, through this deep forest. It goes on >for quite some distance and takes a few days to cross. TOM: A "few days??" Oh, we're *never* gonna get out of this thing! MIKE: Relax, Tom-- this is a role-playing game-- time doesn't necessarily correspond to real life, and quite often, doesn't even correspond to anything else in the *game*... >Eventually you leave >the forest and arrive... MIKE: See? > >Path Around the Father Tree(#1106RJ) TOM: Ring Around the Rosie! MIKE: All Around the Mulberry Bush! CROW: ...with secret ingredient #1106RJ! > >This path is used mostly by the elves for travel to the woods behind the >great Father tree or to lay traps for small game that can be caught farther >north, though during the season of falling leaves, the game is thinning. MIKE: [announcer voice] --thanks to new Ultra Slim-Fast! TOM: ...A delicious shake for lunch, and a sensible kill for dinner! >You >can see the very top of the huge tree towering above you throught the thinning >canopy MIKE: Maybe the forest should join Leaf Club for Trees... >of colorful leaves. The path is choked with gaily colored leaves of >gold and red hues, TOM: Oh no! The path is *choking*! Quick! Does anyone know CPR? >crunching under your feet as you walk. It grows cold as >evening falls. Dry leaves whisper in the wind. ALL: [whisper unintelligibly] > >Contents: >StarRipple TOM: [announcer voice] ...the Baskin-Robbins Flavor of the Month! CROW: Wow, the path contains *ice cream*! MIKE: [deep voice] The World of Two Moons meets the Land of Dairy Queen! > >Obvious exits: >Path(S) Path(N) Clearing(W) TOM: Partly Cloudy(E) > >Corinthi nods to Starripple. ** Greetings.** CROW: Hey! She's talking to the *ice cream*..?? > >StarRipple nods hi MIKE: [as narrator] The StarRipple path nods hi, while the RockyRoad offers a stern gaze. > >Tiraden sends openly, ** Nice to see you again Starripple, sorry it couldn't >be under more pleasent circumstatnces. ** > >StarRipple nods **True** > >WildFire stirs slightly in the baby carrier TOM: [as narrator] ...then switches to "puree" for a smooth, creamy texture! CROW: So, what, is "WildFire" an ice cream flavor too? MIKE: Sounds like something they'd serve at a bad Mexican restaurant or something. > >Corinthi smiles, ** A greetings to you too, young cubling. ** > > >Kytek emerges from a long trail to the south. CROW: Eww... how'd he do *that*..? MIKE: I dunno; maybe he's a rock-shaper. TOM: Hey, yeah-- see? He's got the phoneme "ek" in his name, so we know his name has something to do with rock! It could be quite possible! CROW: [mumbling] stupid fanboy... >Kytek has arrived. TOM: [announcer voice] He got himself an ocean-front condo and a new BMW! > >Tempest has arrived. TOM: [announcer voice] ...and he too will be on the next _Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous_! > >Kytek dropped Tempest. MIKE: [as Kytek] Oops! Sorry. > >Corinthi nods to Kytek, ** Greetings. ** > >Kytek nods silently. MIKE: ...as opposed to nodding loudly... > >StarRipple says "hi" > >Tiraden sends openly, ** Greetings, Master Kytek. ** TOM: *Master* Kytek?? >Kytek nods to Tiraden, ** Greetings. ** > >StarRipple steps off of the path and into the clearing. >StarRipple has left. > >You step off of the path and into the clearing. TOM: Y'know, you'd think we'd get a *choice* or something. > >Lost Holt Clearing MIKE: --answers to the name of "Poochie." No reward. > >Here is where the elves of Lost Holt gather for tribe councils, howls and TOM: [as narrator] --all-night poker games. >receiving visitors from other tribes. This large clearing is fringed by >slender saplings that have sprung up after the fire so many turns ago. The >ground is packed in tightly and is covered now with multi-colored leaves that >crunch under your feet as you walk. Elves have made the best of the leaves, >piling them up in huge stacks and using them as something to lay down on and >the cubs as well as the wolves enjoy tumbling in them. CROW: I'll bet the *adult* elves enjoy tumbling in them as well! heh heh heh! You know what they say! A wrestle in the leaves really-- MIKE: I think we got the idea, Crow... >In the center there >lies a stone ring used to keep the fire safely away from dry leaves. MIKE: [gruff voice] Because only you can prevent forest fires! >Off to >the north you see the massive Father Tree, home to many of the elves of Lost >Holt. TOM: [as narrator] The other elves of Lost Holt can only *dream* of being able to live in the wondrous and awe-inspiring Father Tree. This petty jealousy haunts them to their dying days, as they try in their own little way to make life miserable for others. >It grows cold as evening falls. Dry leaves whisper in the wind. ALL: [whisper unintelligibly] MIKE: Hey, is that the answer, my friend..? TOM: Oh-- you mean the one blowing in the wind..? > >Contents: >StarRipple MIKE: Oh good, there's ice cream here too! CROW: Hey, what would a Howl be without ice cream..? >Ravenfire >Cutter >Goldfire >Spidersilk >Redlance >Woodgrace(#2354PJMXc) TOM: [tough-guy announcer] Secret agent #2354PJMXc, code name-- Woodgrace! >Ember >Denning Tree CROW: ...and benzoate of soda as a preservative. > >Obvious exits: >Path(E) Hill(W) Approach to the Father Tree(N) CROW: Are there ever any exits which *aren't* obvious? >Kytek steps into the clearing from the east path. >Kytek has arrived. TOM: [announcer voice] Kytek bought a Jaguar, and dines at the nation's most exclusive restaurants! > >Tempest steps into the clearing from the east path. >Tempest has arrived. TOM: [announcer voice] Tempest lives in Beverly Hills, and-- MIKE: I think that's enough of *that* joke, Tom. Besides, didn't Tempest and Kytek arrive earlier? CROW: Well, *that* was when we were at the Path Around the Father Tree. > >Ravenfire sends openly ** He will be here. ** MIKE: Um, *Who* will be here..? CROW: No, Who won't be able to make it. *He* will be here later. MIKE: Who won't make it? CROW: Exactly. MIKE: Then who will be here? CROW: No, Who won't be able to make it. ...But He will be here later. MIKE: ...but you said-- [pause] Er, wait... I think I figured it out... CROW: Third base! TOM: Hey! Perhaps "He" is *actually* a soul-name..! > >Corinthi sends openly ** Greetings all. ** > >Corinthi bows. > >Spidersilk raises her head, reminded, and sends for her son. TOM: ** for her son ** CROW: Say, Tom, how'd you do that..? MIKE: Do what? TOM: Oh, nothing, Mike. [Crow giggles a bit] > >StarRipple sends openly ** hello to all.. ** > >Quickfall has arrived. > >Cutter nods to the arriving Underworlders. CROW: Wow, Cutter invited the *Mafia* to the howl..? > >WildFire's eyes go wide at all the people. MIKE: [sportscaster] Ball 4! And WildFire lives up to her name by walking her eighth batter so far in this game! > >Kytek stands at the edge of the clearing trying to stay out of site as much as CROW: "stay out of *site*"..? MIKE: C'mon, Crow, let's leave off the spelling and grammar flames, especially since these people are just typing in this stuff off the top of their heads, you know. Besides, that one actually still makes sense the way it is. >possible. > >Goldfire frown at one of the arrivals, remembering.. TOM: ...something which will obviously become more apparent later on... >Ahdran walks over from the Father Tree. >Ahdran has arrived. TOM: [announcer voice] Ahdran bought a new-- MIKE: I'm *really* getting tired of that joke, Tom. > >Tiraden sends openly, ** Greetings Surface cousins. ** ALL: [sing-song "teacher greeting" voice] Good mor-ning Mis-ter Tir-a-den! >Skywise walks over from the Father Tree. >Skywise has arrived. TOM: [muffled announcer voice] Passengers may pick up their baggage at carousel number 3. Thank you for choosing Abodean Air. > >Ravenfire smiles lightly at Ahdran. > >Tempest stands next to his master, on his right and a little to his back. MIKE: There it is again! What's with all this "master" business..? I suppose that's why that one character is referred to as "Master Kytek," but since *when* do any of the elves refer to anyone else as their "master"..? That just doesn't sound right to me at *all*. TOM: Yeah, I don't get it either-- must be something exclusive to this "Underworld" tribe. MIKE: I'll bet it really *is* the elf Mafia or something. > >StarRipple hugs Kytek since she hasn't yet > >Woodgrace waves hello to Ahdran. CROW: ["Lenny & Squiggy" voice] Hullo Shoil! > >Ahdran grins at his mother as he enters. And wanders over to sit by her, >eyeing the underworlders curiously. > >Kytek smiles ar StarRipple as he hugs he close. > >Ahdran waves at Grace. CROW: ["Lenny & Squiggy"] Hullo Shoil! > >Quickfall scoots towards Spidersilk, looking a bit nervously at all the new >faces. > >Kytek looks around the clearing from behind his hooded face. MIKE: Oh, *no*! It's the Unknown Comic! > >StarRipple stands near Kytek and carefully takes her cub out of the baby >carrier CROW: StarRipple's cub-- would that be a "New Flavor?" > >Cutter looks at each face in the clearing. > >Goldfire scowls at her mother, and makes a brief throw of her head. TOM: Apparently, Goldfire has detachable body parts..! >Her >shaggy mane quickly falls back down into her eyes, though. > >StarRipple cradles her cub. > >Skywise walks over and stands next to his chief. > >Ravenfire rests her hands on Ahdran's shoulders. TOM: I feel like I'm watching a game of "Simon Says" here. > >Tempest leans forward and whispers somthing to Kytek. MIKE: [whispering; as Tempest] Say, Kytek, here's a good one for ya-- these two Go-Backs walk into a bar, and... >Ahdran smiles up at his mother. > >Woodgrace keeps sitting on the side with Redlance. > >Kytek turns around and glares at Tempest and harshly says somthing back to >him. CROW: [as Kytek] If you try to tell me another stupid Go-Back joke, I'm gonna... > >[Cutters Desc] >Cutter is now chieftain of the LostHolt, having moved from the Forbidden >Grove some seasons ago. TOM: [as narrator] Cutter got transferred to a better position in the company. >He has pale blonde hair, the color of pampas grass, >and clear sapphire-blue eyes. His hair is pulled up into a chieftain's knot, >tied with a rather new looking piece of leather rawhide. His face is tapered >and well-sculpted, his nose the slightest bit turned up at the end. He wears >a leather vest loosely fastened over his chest, and a pair of dark >treehorn-hide breeches, another loincloth over the top of the breeches. MIKE: Well, I'd say that's Cutter, alright... >His >boots are black and thick, with soft soles for comfortable travellin and CROW: Hey! These boots were made for travellin! heh heh! 'cause it... ..eh... eh.... >agility. Around his neck is a wide beaten gold necklace, and a thick golden >band on his left arm. NewMoon rests at his side, always kept close at hand. MIKE: OK! OK! We *know* it's Cutter already! What is this, a description for a police sketch artist..? >StarRipple watches quietly...cradling her quiet cub > >Tempest shrinks back to where he was before. CROW: Tempest is a self-shaper..?? > >Goldfire bites her lip, and nods to Ember. > >StarRipple looks at kytek. > >WildFire tugs at her mother's hair lightly TOM: *yaaaawwwn* Well, it's just another *exciting* moment with the Wolfriders, that's for sure... > >Cutter speaks, as you find your places. ** The howl tonight is for a fallen >Wolfrider. CROW: heh heh-- "she's fallen... and she can't get up!" heh heh heh! >Our Underworld cousins are invited to share in memories of her, >and to honor her. ** > >Goldfire touches her sling briefly, then goes back to wachthing the gathering >with apparent calm. > >Goldfire sends openly ** That is a troll. Do trolls howl? ** MIKE: Sure! Just watch what happens when they accidentally hit their thumbs with those big hammers! > >StarRipple listens to Cutter. > >Ahdran listens quietly, his green eyes solemn. > >Tiraden sends openly, ** No and niether do Underworlders. ** > >Woodgrace nearly snickers. CROW: [as narrator] ...but, instead, she Reese's Peanut Butter Cups! > >Ember puts her face in her hands. ** Goldfire. For the moment, assuem that >trolls howl. ** TOM: Uh, by the way, who *is* the troll in this scene..? I thought these were all *elves*-- why would there be a troll here at all..? MIKE: Hmmm... Good question. Maybe we'll find out later. >Cutter sends openly ** The howl is for Fire Elk. ** > >Nightfall has arrieved. She goes quietly over to Redlance and Woodgrace. CROW: There's something *mighty* fishy going on here-- I somehow doubt that the MUSH engine is somehow starting to misspell words in these canned statements all of the sudden... > >Goldfire starts replying, but as Cutter sends she thinks better off it and >stays quiet. > >StarRipple squeezes Kytek's hand lightly.. MIKE: [as narrator] StarRipple knows the importance of "gentle pressure." > >Cutter sends openly ** Kin of several here, and wolfrider, no matter where she >chose to make her home, or whose blood she did or did not share TOM: [as Cutter] We're really not sure, you see. >until her end. >We howl for her, and to honor her, most importantly. ** > >Woodgrace looks from face to face, from elf to underworlder to troll. MIKE: ...thus implying that underworlders are *not* elves or trolls... >Corinthi stands silently and solemnly near the back of the clearing. > >Nightfall leans on her lifemates arm. > >Kytek places an arm around StarRipple, smiling. > >Pike walks over from the Father Tree. >Pike has arrived. MIKE: [announcer voice] "They'll know you've arrived, when you drive up in the new 1958 Edsel!" TOM: Hey! I thought you said we couldn't use that joke anymore! MIKE: My joke was based on an entirely different reference than yours, Tom. > >Cutter tips his chin up slightly, and starts up a howl, low and somber, but >one that carries. TOM: [as narrator] ...lots of flu germs! > >StarRipple leans her had on kytek's shoulder for a moment. > >StarRipple tilts her head back and joins in the howling. > >Woodgrace joins the howl, quiet first, more and more distinct by and by. > >Ember's howl joins her father's almost immediately, wolfsong rising above his >in mourning. CROW: Oh no, Ember's *grandstanding* again... > >Goldfire waits for a hearbeat, then throws her head back and howl, loud and >clear in her cubling voice. MIKE: So... are we supposed to join in the howl too..? CROW: [dripping sarcasm] Oh, *puh-leeeze*... > >Tiraden looks on with mixed sorrow and curiosity as he is about to learn >surface tradition. > >StarCatcher walks over from the Father Tree. >StarCatcher has arrived. TOM: Star catcher? You mean like Johnny Bench..? MIKE: Wow, the Wolfriders have ice cream *and* baseball! What's next? Hot dogs, apple pie, and Chevrolets? > >Pike offers his own howl, CROW: [as narrator] --but it is rejected by his fellow tribesmates! > eyes closed. > >Skywise closes his eyes and howls lowly and sorrowfully, a pure tone from >pure heart. TOM: ...thanks to *Leetah*..! MIKE: I kinda doubt that's happened in this role-playing environment, Tom. > >WildFire looks on in innocent awe. TOM: [singing] They called her.... Wiiildfiiiire! > >Ravenfire closes her eyes, but stays silent. > >Nightfall walks over from the Father Tree. >Nightfall has arrived. MIKE: Wait a minute-- how could she just arrive, when she was leaning on her lifemate's *arm* just a moment ago..?? CROW: Hey, I *thought* something was fishy earlier. TOM: Well, maybe there's more than one Nightfall here. MIKE: Nah... you know what happened when Escape Comics tried that. > >Ahdran looks uncertainly to his mother. > >Kytek watches with curious emotions. TOM: Timex watches with waterproof bezel and unbreakable mainspring! > >Quickfall and Spidersilk's heads tilt back, joining the sky-reaching voices, CROW: "sky-reaching?" I think removing the hyphen and the letter "y" would suggest a more *appropriate* adjective... >tears deep in Silk's howl. > >Corinthi watches and listens to the howl with awe, a single tear hidden in >his dark eyes. > >StarRipple 's howl is low and mournful MIKE: [broken "Tom Carvel" voice] Fudgy the Whale and Cookiepuss also join in the howl! > >Ravenfire howls then, brokenly, but she howls. > >Spidersilk reaches out to touch Rarvenfire's arm, and an open sending of pain >and loss joins her howl. CROW: Boy, I really know how she feels... MIKE: C'mon, Crow, you're really starting to get a bit too hard on these guys. > >Corinthi coughs quietly trying to contain the sound.. MIKE: *cough* >Redlance leans back his head and howls with all his spirit. > >Cutter lowers his chin, and watches the faces off all those gathered, silent. >His face is stony. TOM: [announcer voice] Cutter suffers from "combination skin." > >Ahdran takes his mothers hand, holding it tight, and howls with the rest. > >StarRipple lowers her head and wipes a tear from her cheek. CROW: How *does* ice cream *howl*, anyway..? MIKE: Well, I know *I* sure did that one time I ate a sundae when I had a loose filling... *wow*! > >Corinthi looks down at the ground with sorrow evident in his delicate >features. MIKE: ["Morrissey" voice] Did I tell you I cried today..? > >Pike looks at the ground, his grief manifest in silence. > >Kytek watches everyone in turn with interest eyes. > >Ember's howl falls to silence and her eyes go to her father again, tears >bright in her eyes. > >Cutter sends openly ** I was told that the souls of the wolfrider's who have >died come to rest in the branches of the Father Tree here. MIKE: [as Cutter] Either that, or they end up in an abandoned warehouse outside Peoria; I forget which. >Those who wish her >to hear, will be heard. ** > >Skywise finishes his howl, his eyes solemn. CROW: [as Cutter] Thanks a *bunch* for howling during my big speech, stargazer! > >Tiraden's hand reaches under his hood, presumably to wipe a tear of his own. TOM: [as narrator] --and to check his oil. > >Pike sends silently, to no one who stands in the clearing. > >Ravenfire's howl fades out, and she reaches to Spidersilk's arm as well. > >Goldfire goes quiet, her golden eyes wide and solemn. > >Ahdran holds tightly to his mothers hand, looking up at her. > >StarRipple squeezes Kytek's hand tightly TOM: [makes bone-cracking noises] k-k-kk-kk-k*krunch* > >Spidersilk shivers a little, and nods at Cutter's send, eyes going to the >Father Tree and its safety. > >Kytek holds StarRipple close to him, conforting her. CROW: The question is, does Kytek *share*? MIKE: Uh, Crow... CROW: Wha?? What?? It's only *ice cream*! > >Corinthi's eyes close and he sends strongly, reaching out of something, just >beyond his grasp. > >StarRipple looks to the father tree. > >Goldfire straightens on her branch, looking over to the Father tree, then >down at the pale, odd elves. CROW: [as narrator] ...then back toward the dark, normal elves... >Nightfall looks around thoughtfully, thinks she's howled - is howling if she >didn't, though. :) TOM: Hey, Nightfall, you were awfully *quiet* back then-- that's the last time we invite *you* to one of our howls! MIKE: Y'know, it's almost *embarrassing* the way Nightfall has been having such a bad day on the MUSH. > >Goldfire sends openly ** Wolfriders go to the Father Tree. ** > >Cutter sends openly ** It is for Fire Elk's sake that the archers were told >to stand down, and allow her tribesfolk into the holt.. and for her, they will >be taught to keep their arrows away, unless they are needed. ** MIKE: Uh, keep their arrows away from *what*..? What happened to "no elf must die-- even if he is my enemy"..? >Redlance holds Nightfall's hand tightly, and his eyes burn as he looks >towards Cutter. TOM: [announcer voice] Diarrhea is like a storm raging inside you... > >A quiet sniffling sound emits from Tiraden's direction as he turns to the >Father Tree...almsot as if he expects to see her spirit in it. > >Ember sends openly ** Fire Elk was a Wolfrider, Goldfire. ** TOM: Let's see... we've got Fire Elk, Goldfire, Ravenfire, Wildfire, and Ember! Given that *none* of the Wolfriders of the last few generations had fire-starting magic, don't you find that a bit odd? I mean, Ember got her name from her hair color, but what about these non-feature characters? MIKE: Well, I think Ravenfire, at least, is one of those Underworlder Mafia elves, so she doesn't really count. CROW: So, I wonder if we'll see "Tirefire," "Forestfire," "Greasefire," and "Openfire?" > >Corinthi nods to Cutter. > >Ravenfire smiles softly at Ahdran, and kisses the top of his head. > >Cutter sends openly ** If there are other sorrows, let them be spoken now. ** CROW: Well, I've *definitely* got one... MIKE: I think we *all* do now... TOM: Hey guys-- we gotta get out of here... [Mike and the 'bots leave the theater] [Door sequence; 1...2...3...4...5...6...<> ] [SoL bridge; Mike, Tom, and Crow are behind the counter as usual] TOM: Y'know, Mike, I was just thinking about these *names* that players choose for their characters. MIKE: Well, what about them? TOM: Well, first of all, it seems to me that they just aren't very creative. I mean, look-- we've seen a total of 14 non-feature characters so far, of which 9 or 10 have Wolfrider-like names. Of those characters, *four* have the word "fire" as part of their name, and *two* have the word "star" in their names! Not only does that seem *repetitive*, but it also doesn't make all that much sense as something a Wolfrider would have as part of their tribe names-- MIKE: Well, OK... Although one of those "stars" and one of the "fires" are actually from that Underworlder tribe... TOM: [getting a bit worked up] I mean, look! There aren't any firestarters among the Wolfriders, and recent generations haven't been particularly enamored of fire anyway, so why should there be so many named after it? And as for the usage of "star," well, the Underworlders live underground apparently, so they wouldn't have any appreciation for stars, and besides, Skywise is the only elf who seems to *care* at *all* about them, so unless he's been *really* busy within this MUSH thing, I can't see why they would name so many others after stars! MIKE: Well, I *guess* that's a valid point; at least on the overuse of "fire," but, I don't know... TOM: [getting more worked up] And *then*, to make matters *worse*, we've got a character whose name sounds like something you'd find on a list of 31 flavors, and *another* character which sounds like someone who should be squatting behind home plate and wearing a face mask and body protection! MIKE: Yeah-- those names really could have been better thought out, yes. TOM: [really getting worked up] And another thing! What's with all these people putting capital letters in the middle of their names? We don't generally see *real* EQ characters with capital letters like that! It ends up looking like their names are two words instead of one! MIKE: I certainly agree with you there, Tom-- F'rinsnance, I prefer to spell "Elfquest" without a capital "Q" because I like to think of it as a single, unified concept-- it's not "Elf" "Quest", it's "Elfquest!" CROW: Well, then, Mike, how do you explain your penchant for spelling "WaRP" with the "R" and "P" capitalized, especially since the Pinis haven't been spelling it that way for *years* now? [commercial sign light starts flashing] MIKE: Uh, we'll be right back... [slaps the flashing light with his hand] [to Crow] That's a different thing altogether, Crow. [Scene switches to a guy sitting behind a desk who has some charts with him. No, it's *not* Ross Perot...] MAN BEHIND DESK: Hello, this is VVinnie, Vice-president in charge of programming here at Calm-Eddy Scent-Roll, with a special message for fans of Saturday Night Live. Y'see, a while back, we started playing Saturday Night Live four times a day, and you all told us that you were going to watch it. Well, here's our ratings charts-- and obviously you must have *lied* when you told us you were watching it, because the ratings show otherwise! However, unlike those worthless MST3K fans, we're going to continue to believe you! Besides, *everyone* knows that *everyone* thinks that Saturday Night Live is the greatest show ever in the history of television, so we're just going to keep running it-- twice daily, plus all night Tuesday, *and* special marathons every weekend! Remember, at Calm-Eddy Scent-Roll, it's no joke! [Scene switches back to the SoL theater; Mike, Tom, and Crow are already in their seats] > >Goldfire sends openly ** I never met Fire Elke..what was she like? ** > >Spidersilk smiles a little at Goldfire. ** She was bright, and she was brave, >and she ran as wild as any -- moreso than most. ** MIKE: ...and a good friend. > >Ahdran's eyes glitter greenly, his perpetual good mood returning. > >Corinthi sends openly ** She was a wonderful maid, free of spirit and full of >life and intellegence. ** MIKE: ...and a good friend. > >StarRipple nods in agreement to Corinthi. > >Corinthi lowers his head slightly. > >Spidersilk looks up and nods briefly at Corinthi. > >StarRipple sends openly ** she was there to talk to should you need to...a >friend ** MIKE: ...and a good-- er, wait, she *did* say that. > >Redlance sends openly ** She was always a good friend. ** MIKE: ...and a-- aw, forget it... > >Ember sends openly ** And she loved her friends with all that she was.. ** > >Tiraden sends openly, ** Despite what some may say (slight glance in Kytek's >direction) While she lived with us in the Underworld...she truely was one of >us! ** TOM: Join us! > >Quickfall has left. TOM: Elfis has left the building! >Quickfall crawls into the denning tree. CROW: [as narrator] Quickfall hides in shame as everyone recalls how he got his tribe name! > >Ravenfire sends openly ** A good friend.. and good kin.. ** MIKE: [singing] "There's lots to like in a Fire Elke-- " CROW: [announcer voice] "Fire Elke tastes good! Like a Wolfrider should!" TOM: [announcer voice] "And-- she is mildmildmildmildmild..! >Lost Holt Clearing > >[desc deleted] >Contents: MIKE: Wait-- I know what *this* means! Okay everyone-- Wolfrider Roll Call! >Nightfall MIKE: The sword and arrow! >StarCatcher CROW: uh... On Strike! >Pike TOM: Berry addict! >Skywise CROW: If you lean back-- >Ahdran MIKE: Mafia member! >Tempest CROW: Video game! >Kytek TOM: uh... DuPont Housewrap! MIKE: That's "Tyvek," Tom. >Ravenfire CROW: Another Mafia guy! >Cutter TOM: Blood of Ten Chiefs! >Goldfire MIKE: 14 carat! >Spidersilk CROW: Does whatever a spider... whatever... >Redlance MIKE: The tree and flower! >Woodgrace(#2354PJMXc) TOM: Secret agent! >Ember CROW: The big pest! >Denning Tree ALL: Treeeeeeeeeeee! CROW: That's *two* "e"'s! TOM: Say, Mike, that was *fun*! > >Kytek sends openly ** I will be the first to admit that I did not like her.. >In fact if the truth be known, I wanted her dead... CROW: ["Cutter" voice] ...she was *meat* to be *wasted*! Her blood would fall on bare rock and *nourish* *nothing*! TOM: ["Cutter" voice] Death would be too good for her! I wanted to see her *hurt*-- to see her eyes when-- MIKE: Hey, you two are getting a bit *dark* there... >For what she stood for. >For the way of thinking that she brought into the Underworld... ** > >Pike makes a face. MIKE: It's easy with new Mister Potato Head! By Hasbro! > >Corinthi looks in shock at Kytek. > >Ember sends softly. ** Our Way. ** > >Pike sends openly ** THE way ** CROW: GO away. MIKE: C'mon, Crow... > >Pike rubs his nose. > >Redlance nods. > >Ravenfire sends openly ** No, not _the_ Way. _A_ Way. ** > >Corinthi sends openly ** Please believe me when I say, we do not all feel the >same way as Kytek. ** TOM: [as Corinthi] *Some* of us think *ALL* you wolf-blooded scum must DIE DIE DIE!!! > >Nightfall raises an eyebrow at Kytek enquiringly. MIKE: Because enquiring elves wanna know! > >Ember sends openly ** No, Pike.. not -the- Way. Just.. our Way. ** > >Tiraden sends openly, ** I completely agree with Master Corinthi statement >and sentiment. ** > >Kytek nods ** Your way.. A way that I cannot comprehind. A way that I feared.. >I will admit also that I am afraid of change. Afraid of what you have to >offer. MIKE: The Underworlders made him an offer he couldn't refuse... >** He squeezes StarRipples hand, ** But I also know that your way and >ours can live together if they cooperate. ** TOM: [as Kytek] ...and agree to split the rent plus utilities. MIKE: Say, I just realized something... Have you noticed that throughout this *entire* howl, everyone has been communicating almost *exclusively* through sends? I mean, sure, the Wolfriders send a lot, but not speaking at *all*..? What? Is everyone imitating Strongbow or something? TOM: Well, you've got a point there, Mike, but I suppose, this being a naturally emotional event-- namely, a Howl-- the elves feel they can convey their feelings better through the pure truth of sending... CROW: Servo, what a *kiss-up*... > >StarRipple smiles at Kytek. CROW: I keep waiting for StarRipple to *melt* at Kytek! Ha ha ha! > >Ahdran watches Starripple and Kytek curiously. > >Corinthi seems to smile faintly at Starripple. > >Ahdran sends openly ** Why would a wolfrider, a free and wild one, choose to >live in the caves of no light? I don't understand.. ** MIKE: Uh, convenient shopping? TOM: Oh, and there's lots of schools nearby... CROW: [deep announcer voice] ...and easy access to the new Abode Transit subway system! >StarRipple frowns slightly. > >Ravenfire sends openly ** As we spoke before, cub..there are some things that >are not easy to explain to anyone. ** TOM: [as Ravenfire] You see, when two elves love each other *very* much... >Ember drops down out of her tree in a smooth movement, landing in a crouch and >balancing a moment before surging into an upright position. ** Cousins.. ** > >Corinthi looks to Ember. > >Nightfall turns her attention to Ember, relaxing against Redlance. > >Goldfire blows a lock of hair out of her face, and jumps down after her >mother. > >Kytek watches Ember curiously. > >Ahdran sends openly ** Yes, mother. ** > >Skywise watches Ember silently. > >Corinthi coughs. MIKE: *cough* >StarRipple looks to ember > >Ember looks about the group, trolls and Wolfriders and Underworlders. TOM: ...and lions and tigers and bears... MIKE: ...and words and phrases and clauses... >** We.. have never gotten along well., to say the least. ** > >Pike's attention is had. CROW: [as Pike] Wha..? Did someone mention dreamberries? > >Corinthi nods, ** Which is truely unfortunate. ** > >Kytek nods at Embers send and shakes his head at Corinthi's send.. > >Nightfall makes a soft sound that could be a chuckle, could be a cough. MIKE: *cou-cough* >Tiraden chuckles softly at the understatement. > >In an open send, Ember's eyes flicker to Cutter, then out at the group again. >** My father brought many elves together, before I was born, and then after.. >as a cub, I heard his words, that we all had to find a way to live together. CROW: ...with the possible exception of Winno-wicked... >** Goldfire stays right behind Ember, her lupine eyes slitted to show only >the briefest sparkle of gold as she watches those assembled with a slight >flaring of her nostrils. MIKE: Hurry! Everyone out of the way!! She's going to blow!!! CROW and TOM: AAAAAAAAAAA!! >Ember sends openly ** That .. dream.. is something that I've tried to follow >since I was a cub of Goldfire's age. I've been to the Underworld. It has >beauties that I never dreampt of. ** MIKE: ...Like "Mall of Abode!" TOM: And don't forget Meremac Caverns! See Jesse James's hideout! CROW: ...And the Shuffleboard Hall of Fame! MIKE: ...And the cypress knees museum! TOM: ...Not to mention Graceland! CROW: ...And Wall Drug! MIKE: ...or even The House on The Rock! TOM: Come to the Dells! Ride the ducks! > >StarRipple cradles her cubling. > >Corinthi smiles and nods softly. > >StarRipple nods in agreement to Ember. > >Ember sends openly ** And many of you Underworlders have been here. TOM: Like right *now*, for example. > I dare say >that there are strangenesses that you find lovely as well, though I would not >presume to speak for you. ** TOM: ["metal dude" voice] Well, frankly, we think your place *bites*! > >Kytek smiles at Ember, nodding. > >Nightfall smiles slighlty, glancing briefly at Redlance. > >Skywise puts a hand on Cutter's shoulder. > >Ahdran listens quietly, occasionally glancing up at his mother. > >Woodgrace has left. CROW: [as Woodgrace; very tired] *yaaawn* Wow, am I sooo *bored*... > >Ember sends openly ** We share blood, cousins. We are all children of the >High Ones.. the children of the fall. I would ask.. I would hope.. that if >anything good can come of Fire Elk's death, that it be that we learn to live >and love with each other. ** > >Cutter looks over to Skywise, and smiles. CROW: [as Cutter] Skywise? Are you thinking what I'm thinking..? > >Nightfall looks over the Underworlders thoughtfully. TOM: [as Nightfall] Hmmm... "Love with each other," you say... > >Redlance slowly nods. MIKE: [as Redlance] I wonder if they "share..." > >Goldfire folds her arms over her chest, wrinkling her nose. > >Kytek sends openly ** I have already learned to love a wolfrider.. I thought >it not possible. But it happened... ** CROW: Yeah! She's Recognized to the Mob! >Ember sends openly ** There are not many of us on this world of two moons.. >and there are more humans every day. I don't want to fight them, either -- >but if we should ever _have_ to, cousins, we must be united. ** > >StarRipple smiles at Kytek. MIKE: I just keep picturing one of those happy-face cakes they sell at Dairy Queen... > >Pike counts something on his fingers and looks at the UnderWorlders >thoughtfully. TOM: [as Pike] one... two... three... oh, whatever... > >Corinthi sends openly ** If only more on bith sides shared your views, >mi'lady...but I am afraid that the road to understanding will be long and >hard fought. ** MIKE: [as Corinthi] But at least there's a Stuckey's off exit 82! >Ahdran nods solemnly towards Ember. ** Love is nice. ** CROW: ["idiot" voice] Duh... Love pretty... >Corinthi sends openly ** However... ** > >Ember sends openly ** We must be united any road follow, cousins. TOM: Actually, should the elves be using the word "road" as a metaphor for *anything*..? >We >Wolfriders are the only ones who are born to this world and are a part of it.. CROW: [as Ember] So there! *nyah*! >we can share our knowledge with you, if you are willing to accept it. ** TOM: This message will self-destruct in 5 seconds... >Corinthi sends openly ** I believe that with patience and hard work, that >goal can be accomplished. ** > >In an open send, Ember's eyes go to Skywise now, and she smiles. ** And you >can teach us about the stars, and about our heritage that we do not know. ** TOM: Huh? >Pike grins at Skywise. > >Ember nods to Corinthi, and then, slowly, she steps back. ** I would simply >ask.. that you.. consider.. what we have to give each other. ** > >StarRipple sends openly ** even I have noticed that many in the underworld >are changing.. they do not all view us as having a taint in our blood. TOM: Yes they do! CROW: No they 'taint! MIKE: [to Tom and Crow] Heh heh! Oh you *guys*... >Some.. >like that difference in us ** MIKE: They think it's totally awesome! >Corinthi sends openly ** I agree totally mi'lady. ** > >StarRipple sends openly ** or at least..they accept it ** MIKE: [as StarRipple] Or, at the very least, they don't run and scream in terror... > >Skywise looks at the faces of family, friends, and strangers, TOM: [announcer voice] ...the newest discount long-distance program from MCI! > ** we all can >teach things to each other, and we all can learn. Some lessons are more >difficult than others, some easier, but effort must be given ** > >Tiraden sends openly, ** On behalf on the scouts CROW: [as Tiraden] I would ask that you buy some of these cookies. >...I would like to accept >your offer of an information exchance...only thourgh learning and >understanding can we truely become friends. ** > >Goldfire starts to look bored, and edged towards the troll. CROW: Well, Goldfire's not the *only* one bored around here... TOM: By the way, just *who* is the *troll*? We still haven't been told who that is, y'know. > >Cutter smiles slowly. > >Ember crouches again, at the foot of her tree, apparently finished. MIKE: Ewwwww..! Next time maybe she should wear a "poopie suit" instead..! CROW: *snicker* Well, Mike, you know what they say-- Wolfriders "go where they will"..! Ha ha ha ha! MIKE: *groan* >She >smiles at Tiraden, and then her eyes snap to Goldfire. ** Cub. ** > >Corinthi sends openly ** As the Master of Lore, I would like to help >facilitate the information exchange. MIKE: I kinda wish we still had that information exchange thing here on the Satellite of Love. TOM: That's *invention* exchange, Mike... CROW: Shhh! Don't *say* that! The One Whose Name Cannot Be Spoken might sue us! TOM: Naah... that'd only happen if we said Gizmon-- *urk* MIKE: [covering Tom's "beak"] Let's not encourage anyone, OK..? >Perhaps with greater understanding of >one another we will see peace on day. ** > >Goldfire pouts, but stops. > >Ahdran blinks slowly at Corinthi. > >WildFire waves her fists in the air. ALL: [shout/chant while Mike waves his fists in the air] Anarchy!! Anarchy!! Anarchy!! Anarchy!! Anarchy!! >Ember's eyes go to Pike at Cointhi's send. Corinthi's even. :) > >StarCatcher has disconnected. MIKE: [muffled "telco" voice] ...please make a note of it. *beep*! >StarCatcher has left. >StarCatcher crawls into the denning tree. MIKE: [as narrator] He was sent to the showers for arguing with the umpire. > >Cutter looks to Pike as well. ** Pike? ** > >Pike looks at the tree tops...(ho hum) > >Ember snorts. ** Hey, dreamberry-head. ** > >Corinthi nearly chuckles. CROW: ...but instead, she Jujubees! MIKE: Y'know, those just aren't that funny, Crow... CROW: What? *Jujubees*? >Pike sends openly ** Yeah? ** > >Spidersilk grins, shaking her head. > >Pike rubs his nose. > >StarRipple grins. > >Kytek pulls back his hood, and opens the cloak a bit, CROW: Saaaaaaayy! > ** As Corinthi is the >Master of Lore, I am the Master of Trolls.. TOM: [dripping sarcasm] An elf? Master of trolls? Oh, I *doubt* that... >I can offer what knowlege I have >of trolls. ** > >Goldfire grins, and waits until attention diverts before casually moving on. > >Cutter chuckles. ** Will you trade their Lore master tales? To help us >learn? ** MIKE: ["Sally Struthers" voice] Sure, we all do! >Pike nods a bit. > >Pike sends openly ** Sure I will.. ** > >Corinthi smiles and nods to Pike. > >Pike grins and places a knowing finger to his nose, CROW: I'd hate to know what *that* finger knows! MIKE: Ugh. Me neither... >looking at Corinthi. > >Ember lunges after her daughter, completely absently, and snags the back of >the child's tunic. ** Hold still. ** > >Goldfire says "I wasn't doing anything!" > >StarRipple chuckles at Ember and her daughter. TOM: [announcer voice] Hyuk hyuk! It's a collision course with *wackiness*! >Nightfall glances to the north. > >Rhentagoth enters the cleraing gazing at all around. > >Pike smiles ear to ear and laughs at a send! > >Goldfire is the very picture of injured innocence. > >Skywise grins at Pike. > >Ember sends openly ** Yes, well, keep not doing anything. And hold still. ** > >Cutter sends openly ** Then out of sadness comes a chance to change things, >the way a wise elf once told me it needed to be changed. ** MIKE: I sure hope that "wise elf" he's referring to isn't *Winnowill*-- She wanted to change things *too* you know. TOM: Uh, let's get out of here... > >Ember raises eyebrows at Kytek, and lets Goldfire go with a nod. [Mike and the 'bots get up from their seats and leave the theater] [door sequence; 1...2...3...4...5...6...<> ] [SoL "bridge"; Mike and the bots are gathered behind the counter as usual] CROW: Y'know, I might not be a blithering *fanboy* like some 'bots I *could* name-- TOM: Hey!! CROW: --but I have to admit that I really don't like these "Underworlders" very much. They seem awfully closed-minded... and what's with all this "master" stuff? TOM: Well, Crow, that's *true*, but remember the *Gliders*-- they weren't exactly liberal with their views of the Wolfriders *either* you know. I certainly agree with you regarding this bit about some elves being called "master" though... I don't know what that's about. MIKE: I don't know either-- I mean, it's *one* thing to have a title like "Master of Trolls"-- whatever *that* means-- but when Tempest actually refers to Kytek as his "master," well, I don't think that sounds very much like the spirit of Elfquest at *all*. [Mad light starts flashing] TOM: Oh, looks like the Mads are calling... MIKE: Okay... [Mike hits the light on the counter] [Scene switches to Deep 13] DR. F: [grinning from ear to ear] Well, boobie, you don't know just *how* right you are! FRANK: Yeah! Y'see-- Tempest isn't an elf at all! He's really a *troll*! [Scene switches to the SoL] ALL: *WHAT*?? MIKE: So *that's* who the troll is... [Scene switches to Deep 13] DR. F: That's right! You see, the Underworlders have learned how to subjugate trolls with mind control magic, and they keep several around their tribe to use as *slaves*! Heh heh heh heh! In other words, Kytek really *is* a master of trolls! [Scene switches to SoL] MIKE: [angry] Oh, come *on*! You can't be *serious*! That just isn't the Way at all! Cutter would *never* accept a group of elves who did anything like that! TOM: [also angry] I agree! Cutter may be a bit liberal as elves go, but he'd *never* accept *slavery* of any sort! CROW: Heck, I don't even think *Winnowill* would do anything *that* evil! ...Well, yeah, I guess she *would*, but that's not the same as having a whole *tribe* like that! [Scene switches to Deep 13] DR. F: ["washing" hands with evil glee] Hah hah! I *knew* you'd love it! These MUSH people and I have more in common than I ever expected! Now, if only I could get them to accept those elf-human hybrid characters I've always wanted... Mwahahahahahaha! [Scene switches to the SoL] TOM: Nooooooo!!! [Tom starts to sob] MIKE: Uh, by the way, does any of this have to do with all the sending going on in this story..? [to Tom] C'mon Tom... It's alright... they haven't actually done it yet... [Scene switches to Deep 13] FRANK: Well, actually, yes, sorta. It seems that the Underworlders have this "thing" against speaking, and for some reason the Wolfriders are going along with it. I think Cutter must be taking leadership cues from Bill Clinton or something. [Scene switches to the SoL; Tom is still crying. The lights start flashing, buzzers start buzzing, etc.] MIKE: Oh, just calm down, Tom-- We've got MUSH sign now... [door sequence; <>...6...5...4...3...2...1 ] [SoL theater; Mike and the 'bots head to their seats and sit down] >Kytek eyes widen as he sees his brother.. > >Ahdran grins at Goldfire, and snuggles up to his mother comfortably, letting >the adults talk. > >StarRipple's hand goes to her side and then to her cub. > >Pike picks a bramble from his boot toe. CROW: [as narrator] With a knowing finger, Pike picks a bramble from his boot toe. > >Ravenfire nuzzles Ahdran's hair lightly. > >Corinthi glances over at Rhentagoth warily... > >Rhentagoth seems discusted by all of the surface dwellers. TOM: Yes, first Rhentagoth was shot-put-ed, but now he's discus-ted! MIKE: C'mon, Tom, let's leave off the spelling jokes, alright..? > >StarRipple glances at Kytek and nods to Rhentagoth. > >Rhentagoth glaances sligtly at StarRipple as a token acknowledgement. > >Pike flicks the bramble stealthfully at Rhen, looking at a tree in interest. > >Goldfire kicks at a random pebble, and scowls at whoever is closest through >the ragged hair falling into her eyes. > >StarRipple smiles at EMber and nods... > >The bramble hits Rhen in the back of the head. MIKE: ["Ren Hoek" voice] OW! Stimpy! You *eediot*! Watch what'cher doing with that bram-bull! Those things are *dan-gerous*! > >Kytek nods to Rhen, ** Brother. ** > >Goldfire giggles, the scowl vanishing from her face. > >Cutter's gaze snaps to Pike. > >StarRipple sighs. > >Rhentagoth turns around and scowls at everyone in that direction. >** Barbarians. ** > >Nightfall covers her mouth... coughing lightly. MIKE: You know, I'm starting to get concerned-- everyone's been coughing a *lot* for characters in a role-playing situation... > >Pike looks ashamed, for a second. CROW: [as narrator] ...but then laughs manically as he lets his highly- sharpened spear fly right at Rhentagoth's throat! > >Spidersilk fights a smile, and loses the fight, CROW: [as narrator] ...And Smile becomes the new heavyweight world's champion!! TOM: [muffled crowd cheer noise] >grinning at Rhen in spite of >his obvious dislike. > >Nightfall arches an eyebrow at Rhentagoth, ** Then why did you come here? ** TOM: [as Rhentagoth] Well, the plot needed a little more conflict, and I just happened to be nearby, so I thought I'd drop in! >Nightfall somehow manages to keep her face straight. > >Goldfire laughs merrily, and jumps up, grabbing a low branch and swinging >herself up on it. > >Rhentagoth sends openly ** To better enjoy her death. ** > >Pike frowns. > >Goldfire sends openly ** You're weird. ** CROW: ...Which results in creativity! > >Spidersilk's face pales. > >StarRipple sends openly ** rhentagoth! how can you come here and say that?! ** TOM: [as Rhentagoth] Well, I just followed the Folger's Crystals trail to the Path Around the Father Tree, and here I am! > >You have NO idea. CROW: No, *you* have no idea... > >Pike scans the ground again. MIKE: It's those cheap hand-scanners-- no matter how many times you try, you just can't avoid getting *some* part of your image distorted... >Corinthi sends openly ** Rhentagoth. This is not the place. ** > >StarRipple looks shocked. > >Redlance looks at Rhent with anger in his eyes. > >Rhentagoth sends openly ** Easily. ** MIKE: Oh, what a card that Rhentagoth is! > >Nightfall doesn't look pleased with Rhent. > >Ahdran sits up slowly. > >Kytek looks at Rhen, seeming to know that this would have happened. MIKE: [as narrator] Kytek is again embarrassed by one of Rhentagoth's terrible stand-up comedy acts... TOM: ...although that won't stop it from appearing on Comedy Central over and over and over again... > >Cutter's smile quickly fades into a frown. ** This is not the place to air >bad feelings..cousin..if that is what you came for, I will ask you to >leave. ** > >Rhentagoth smiles evilly. CROW: [as Rhentagoth] Heh heh heh... >Ember's sending is very soft. ** If you do not wish to mourn with us, cousin, >I would ask you to leave. We do not seek a fight. ** > >FireElkSpirit walks over from the Father Tree. >FireElkSpirit has arrived. > >Pike scratches his head and walks toward the father tree. > >FireElkSpirit's image flows around the branches. > >Pike walks toward the Father Tree. >Pike has left. > >StarRipple stares at the spirit...almost in awe > >Corinthi looks up in shock at the Father tree. > >Kytek looks at the spirit and starts to laugh softly. > >StarRipple nudges Kytek > >FireElkSpirit slowly disappears into the sky as if a wisp of cloud has arised. > >Nightfall tenses, eyeing Kytek. > >Goldfire throws an acorn at Rentaface. CROW: I wish these role-playing addicts would just Rent-a-*life*! MIKE: Oh, c'mon, they aren't so bad, really... And besides! Look at how they're making fun of their *own* names now! > >FireElkSpirit seems to smile faintly as she disappears up with the High Ones. TOM: Heeyy! The spirits of the High Ones are all at the Palace! They aren't *here* for crying out loud! >FireElkSpirit walks toward the Father Tree. MIKE: Wait-- I thought she just "disappeared up with the High Ones"..?? >FireElkSpirit has left. CROW: Thank *goodness*. > >StarRipple chuckles at GoldFire > >Rhentagoth glares up at the Father Tree, ** Damn the taint is so bad in these >blasphemies of our elven heritage, they don't even die correctly. ** MIKE: Well, let's just see how *you* die, Mister Perfectionist! > >Ravenfire must go.. apologies. >Ravenfire goes home. >Ravenfire has left. > >StarRipple sends openly ** rhentagoth stop it! ** > >Rhentagoth storms out of the clearing. > >Skywise glares at Rhentagoth, but says nothing. > >Rhentagoth has left. ALL: Yay!! > >Ember's shoulder relax visibly as Rhen stalks out, and she shakes her head. > >StarRipple sighs > >Tiraden looks up at the father tree Clearly amazed, ignoring Rhen perhaps the >best policy. > >StarRipple sends openly ** thank you for allowing me to join the howl... ** TOM: No problem! Next time, bring some waffle cones and some pecan crunch topping and we'll have a real party! > >StarRipple bows her head to all and kisses Kytek TOM: Hey! Elves don't *kiss*! MIKE: Hmm... I think you might be *right*, Tom... >Corinthi sends openly ** I must sincerely apologize for Rhentagoth's behavior. >I will see to it that He is dealt with at council. ** MIKE: Oh, gee-- those Underworlders even *capitalize* pronouns... as if "Master" wasn't enough. >Skywise sends openly ** Thank you for joining the howl ** > >StarRipple nods to Cor. > >Kytek smiles, and kisses her back. MIKE: Oh, if they're going to kiss, he should at least kiss her on her *face* somewhere... >Cutter sends openly ** It is enough that his was the only argument. Thank >you. ** > >StarRipple places her cub in to he carrier on her back > >Corinthi nods, ** I am still dreadfully embarassed by his behavior, this will >not go unpunished. ** MIKE: [deep rumbling growl] Please no pun-ish Ro-gar... > >Spidersilk stands up, slowly. ** Excuse me, cousins... ** She walks away, >back to the Father Tree. > >Spidersilk walks toward the Father Tree. >Spidersilk has left. MIKE: Leave the Holt! Find a new life relocated in New Mexico! > >StarRipple says "Tempest. With me, please." CROW: Pretty please? With sugar on top? >Skywise nods to Cutter. > >Kytek whispers a command to Tempest, who stands up. TOM: [dripping sarcasm] Ohhhh, is the great *Kytek* going to tell the *trolls* what to do? Hmmmm?? >StarRipple follows the path out of the clearing. >StarRipple has left. > >Tempest follows the path out of the clearing. >Tempest has left. > >Goldfire grins after the Rhentagoth. ** Running like a ravvit. ** CROW: *the* Rhentagoth?? TOM: No, just *a* Rhentagoth-- haven't you heard, he comes in six-packs! > >Tiraden sends openly, ** Cutter, I hope that Rhentagoth's behavior will not >reflect poorly upon the more enlightened. ** > >Ahdran stands quietly, following his mother. >Ahdran walks toward the Father Tree. >Ahdran has left. > >Redlance rubs his eyes as everyone starts to leave. > >Ember nods, and stands. ** Goldfire, for Timmorn's sake, enough. ** > >Cutter nods to Tiraden. ** Taken in stride, cousin. ** > >Kytek stands, looking around the area. CROW: Saaaaaaayyy! Oh wait-- whose area *is* this? MIKE: Just as long as it's not *Tempest's*... > >StarCatcher has arrived. > >Corinthi seems confused by the word...ravvin. > >Goldfire perches on her branch, looking smug. ** Yes, Mother. ** > >Kytek sends openly ** I also would like to appologise for his behavior. For >he is my brother.. ** TOM: He's not heavy. > >Corinthi sends openly ** May I assume that a ravvin is a fast creature. ** CROW: ...and then Lancelot and I jump *out* of the ravvin... MIKE: ...and then Mike takes away certain 'bots' RAM chip treats after they continue to make grammar and spelling jokes after Mike told them *not* to do them anymore! >Nightfall chuckles at Goldfire. > >Ember sighs. ** Ravvit. A small, easily frightened, fuzzy creature that we >eat. TOM: ...and which Piers Anthony just made up for that story he wrote... >Yes. ** > >Ember scowls at her daughter: this is all far from over. > >Nightfall sends openly ** Ravvit. Small creature, good for one. ** CROW: [announcer voice] New Campbell's "Creatures For One!" >Nightfall grins. > >Corinthi smiles, ** How appropriate. ** > >Nightfall grins, even. MIKE: Yeah, and she also *grins*! TOM: Now *you're* doing it, Mike! MIKE: [sheepishly] Alright, alright, you win... > >Goldfire imitates a ravvit, with a twitching of nose, and a mock-fearful look. > >Tiraden laughs out loud. > >Redlance grins at Goldfire. CROW: [idiotic announcer voice] And now, here's more of the zany antics of Goldfire and Ember! >Cutter coughs quietly, watching Goldfire. > >Corinthi coughs harshly. MIKE: What *is* this? First Corinthi, then Nightfall, then Cutter, and now Corinthi again! What, is it cold and flu season on the World of Two Moons? TOM: Hey, maybe I was right about those flu germs after all..! > >Kytek watches Goldfire eyes sparkling. TOM: [broken Chinese accent] Light Fuse and Get Away. Blooming Ground Flower With Loud Report. > >Ember closes her eyes. "I swear, she didn't get it from me." > >Nightfall watches Goldfire, grinning. ** Not very polite, cub. ** > >Ember snorts as the entire tribe sends to tell her she's -wrong- about >that. :) > >Titaden glances over at Corinthi. ** Are you ill, cousin. ** MIKE: See? Even the *players* are noticing it! > >Corinthi looks to Tiraden, ** I will be fine. ** MIKE: Just need a little Vick's Vapo-Rub or something... > >Skywise chuckles at Ember, then when she looks at him, grinning innocently. > >Ember sticks her tongue out at Skywise, and then glances at her Father. >** We should go.. ** > >Goldfire giggles merrily, and lets herself fall backwards until she hangs >from the branch by her knees. > >Goldfire sends openly ** They told me all about you, Mother. ** > >Goldfire sends immediately. ** I want to go to Sorrow, too! ** CROW: Well, I've been sitting through the same thing *you* have, and boy, I'm already *there*! MIKE: C'mon Crow; I think it's just about over anyway. > >Ember sends openly ** You're going. ** > >Tiraden turns to Ember, ** I assume that this howl is over. ** > >Ember sends openly ** If only because I don't want the poor tribesfolk who >stay behind to have to deal with you. ** > >Goldfire grins happily, and twirls down from the branch, landing easily. >** Great! ** > >Ember nods to Tiraden. ** I'm afraid so.. we've been requested to come for a >visit at another holt, and must leave tonight. ** CROW: [as Ember] Yeah, well, you know, I've got a headache, and I need to wash my hair, and I've got this important meeting and all, well, I'll see you later! Bye! >Kytek looks over at his tribe memebers, ** Shall we be heading back? ** > >Corinthi bows ** Thank you for your hospitality. ** >Corinthi turns to leave and Tiraden follows. > >Ember bows, slightly awkwardly, in return. ** Thank you for coming, cousins. >** > >Cutter nods and heads out. >Cutter walks toward the Father Tree. >Cutter has left. > >You follow the path out of the clearing. >[Trip back to the UW del'd] >ÿ MIKE: [announcer voice] This is Dolby Stereo reminding you to Leave the Holt! [door sequence; 1...2...3...4...5...6...<> ] [scene switches to the SOL bridge; Mike and the 'bots are behind the counter again as usual] MIKE: Whew! Today's experiment sure had some surprises, didn't it..? CROW: That's for sure. TOM: I mean, overall it wasn't so bad, really, but whoever came up with that Underworld tribe and that whole slavery thing seemed to completely *miss* the basic spirit of Elfquest! MIKE: I've taken to understand that not everyone who plays these Elfquest-themed MUSHes has actually *read* Elfquest in the first place. CROW: Say, *I* know what we could do! Let's start an Elfquest role-playing world of our *own*! MIKE: That's a great idea, Crow! We could call it-- "Quaker Oats Heat- and-Eat Instant Two-and-a-half Moons MUSH with Artificial Apple and Cinnamon Flavor!" TOM: Yeah! Just think of the *characters* we could create..! [Mike and the 'bots duck behind the counter and pop up one by one to briefly introduce their character names] CROW: I am StarRipple, shaper of ice cream! TOM: I am StarCatcher-- not even the wildest of pitches escapes me! MIKE: I am FoxFire! Master of folksy-craftsy stuff! CROW: I am RedEyes! Forever cursed with insomnia! TOM: I am MoonPie! I have a delicious marshmallow center! MIKE: I am WoodFall, the clumsy tree-shaper! CROW: I am StarSearch, finder of hidden talent! TOM: I am StarFire, the Wolfrider with the most anonymous name! MIKE: I am StarFish! I have five radially disposed arms! CROW: I am StarTrek! I am a trademark infringement of Paramount Studios! TOM: I am StarFall! I can wish upon *me*! MIKE: I am MoonShine! Booze does a body good! This message paid for by the Booze Council. MIKE: I am FireWood! I burn cleanly and efficiently! CROW: I am FireWater! The Booze Council would like to remind you that Booze is Good Food. [Mike and Tom re-appear next to Crow so that all are behind the counter as usual] MIKE: We'll build new, *exciting* settings, like-- CROW: The Lost-and-Found Holt! TOM: Path Around the Tree That's Near The Father Tree But Not As Close As That Other Tree With the Dead Branches and the Moss Growing on One Side! MIKE: The Renaissance Festival! Huzzah! CROW: And there'll be the Lost Palace of the High Ones, but now that its no longer *lost*, it'll be turned into a great big amusement park, attracting elves from far and wide! TOM: And coming soon-- the mandatory Wal-Mart and McDonald's! Because not even the World of Two Moons can escape them! MIKE: Well, what do you think, sirs? [Scene switches to Deep 13; Dr. Forrester is facing us; Frank can be seen in the background typing at a computer] DR. F: Hmm? Oh, yeah, well, whatever... [to Frank; off camera] Frank! FRANK: [typing on a keyboard as he speaks] let's see... telnet two-and- a-half.moons.mush.with.artifi-- DR. F: [interrupting] FRANK! FRANK: [looking up from keyboard] What? DR. F: Just *what* are you doing? FRANK: I'm... I'm trying out that new MUSH that Mike and the robots are starting up. I hope the MUSH wizards will let me be a rock-shaper. DR. F: Oh, you want to be a rock shaper, do you..? *I'll* show you rock shaping! I'll-- [Dr. F puts out a hand towards Frank and appears to concentrate on something briefly, but nothing happens] Wait a minute... I don't know *why* I thought I could do something here. [Frank just looks puzzled at Dr. Forrester; Dr. F just seems a bit disconcerted] Well, um... just go push the button, Frank. FRANK: [still looking puzzled] Just a second... [Frank types something at his computer, then reaches over to the Mads' console and hits the button--] \ / \ / -PWOOOOSH- / \ / \ FRANK: [as scene goes blank] OK, I got my character, and-- Hey! I didn't want to be a High One, for crying out loud! [scene goes to credit roll; the Love Theme can be heard...] -------------------------- This MiSTing copyright (c) 1996 by Marty Kuhn. The original source text is probably considered to be in the public domain, and had been released for public distribution with the permission of the MUSH participants. Permission is granted to redistributed this document to other forums use printed copies for whatever unmentionable purpose, provided these notices are left intact and that no compensation is gained or requested. Elfquest, its characters, situations, logos, and their distinctive likenesses are trademarks of Warp Graphics, Inc. All Rights Reserved Worldwide. Mystery Science Theater 3000, its characters, situations, logos, and other story elements are the property of Best Brains, Inc. No endorsement by either Warp Graphics or Best Brains is expressed or implied by these statements. This MiSTing was written in the spirit of fun, and is not intended to cause harm to the abovementioned companies or their products, nor is it intended as a personal attack on any of the MUSH participants represented in the source text or TwoMoons MUSH in general. The opinions represented by the MST3K characters in this fan MiSTing are not necessarily those of the author, though most of them are probably pretty close. :-) Special thanks to Dorinda Hartmann for her invaluable help in explaining some of the background story leading up to the MUSH events recorded in this log, as well as providing some general information about the MUSH and its tribes and characters. Dorinda also gave some very useful feedback about a very very early version of this MiSTing about two years ago, though she'll probably hardly even recognize it *now*, since there have been so many changes made to it since then. :-) *pwang* >Ember crouches again, at the foot of her tree, apparently finished.