MET \5670 Show \106 --Rev 1.01 Originally posted on EQUEST-L on Aug 21, 1994 Uh-oh! Looks like someone forgot to put chlorine in the Worldpool again! Must mean that it's time for yet another in that series of Fanfics That Won't Die: _Mystery Elfquest Theater Five-Six-Seven Eights_! The following is the opening sketch of Show \106, in which we see a bit of what happened during the Mad High Ones' seven year vacation, as well as (*gasp!*) get a hint for an actual *plot* of sorts to be developed later on! Oooooh! Aaahhhh! Well, it's probably a bit more like a kiddie-car than a roller coaster, I suppose, but, hey, it's what you make of it... :-) Oh, and, uh... about last week... I *think* we found out *one* thing the Mad High Ones were up to during their vacation... Gee, I be a nice guy, I give those guys their own account, and what do they do? Sheesh! :-) As usual, you can electronic-send comments, questions, requests for previous episodes, and generous licensing agreements to me at: mkuhn@caesar.cs.uiowa.edu Again, thanks for the feedback so far! I hope this series will continue to provide a place for some quirky fun among the Elfquest discussion groups-- as well as provide a test of my less-than-Pini-quality writing skills... :-) See you in sqrt(-1) ! --Marty ========================== cut here 8<==================================== [header still-frame is shown; voice over by video editor guy] VO: Mystery Elfquest Theater Five-Six-Seven Eights, Show eight-eights and six, Reeeeeel one! [begin opening theme sequence] In the not too distant future, Next moon cycle A.D., The Sunfolk and the Wolfriders Knew that they still weren't really free. So Cutter hatched a plan that he knew was right-- "We've got to find other elf tribes and unite! If we all work together we can keep our place, It's the only way that we might preserve our race!" "This dangerous Quest is mine alone; You others must remain here!" (la-la-la) But Skywise followed Cutter anyway, To help his friend in times of fear. (la-la-la) Now keep in mind they couldn't control Exactly what they were to find, (la-la-la) But what they found exceeded all belief-- Are all elves truly one heart and mind? Wolfrider Roll Call! Cutter! ("Kinseeker!") Nightfall! ("the sword and arrow!") Strongbow! (**Keeper of The Way!**) Leetah! ("hands of healing!") One-Eye! ("Show yourself!") Dewshine! ("I'm not ready!") Treestump! ("Hello there!") Scouter! ("That's one 'O'!") Ember! ("born leader!") Redlance! ("the tree and flower!") Moonshade! ("always loyal!") Skywise! ("that's *my* lodestone!") Clearbrook! ("what haircut?") Suntop! ("I'm going out!") Piiiiiike! ("What, who's *Vaya*?") If you're wondering how they eat and breathe, And other elfin facts, (la-la-la) Just repeat to yourself "It'll all come clear-- This is the story that never lacks!" On Mystery Elfquest Theater Five-Six-Seven Eights! [end opening theme sequence] [long pull back through a network of tunnels or something; looks sort of like a hollow tree-- pull back is punctuated by various mechanical sounds and chimes; pull back ends with Cutter and Nightrunner returning from the hunt-- it is night time, and the Sun Village is silent. Suntop can be seen running out from behind a large rock towards Cutter.] SUNTOP: Father! Father! CUTTER: Hello, Suntop...! What's the matter, little cub...? Couldn't sleep? SUNTOP: It's hard to sleep at night! CUTTER: [knowing grin] I know. Where's your sister? EMBER: [jumping down from a rock onto Cutter's back] Ha ha ha ha! Here I am! [Cutter loses his breath from the sudden weight] LEETAH: [walking toward the group] [to Cutter] As usual, they insisted on waiting up for you! CUTTER: I'm glad you waited with them. [the ever-familiar flashing sending star appears in the corner of the scene...] CUTTER: [rolling his eyes back] Well, well, it looks like someone *else* waited up for me too! [Cutter slaps a nearby rock for no particularly obvious reason] [scene switches to Deep Eight-and-Five; Dr. Claytimmain and Open-Sending's Frank are wearing very gaudy Hawaiian shirts and sunglasses, looking very much like tourists or something... In the background, we can see that Deep E-a-F has changed quite a bit since we last saw it-- it seems to be much larger, and there are a lot of Earth-human objects (circa 1979) all around-- including a color television console, a VCR, a microcomputer, and a stereo system. There just seems to be *stuff* everywhere!] DR. C: [grinning] Well, hello there, Mr. Slice-n-Dice! My nose smells with!... ugh. Well, I'm not sure it's "joy," anyway... seems like Leetah hadn't *completely* changed that... Heh heh... Anyway, it looks like life has been treating you fair in the Sun Village over the past seven turns-- good thing *we're* here to do something about that! [evil grin] Oh, and I see that you and Leetah have been *busy* in the meantime! [scene switches to Sun Village] CUTTER: [proudly] Yes, these are our two cubs, Suntop and Ember! EMBER: [to Dr. C] You look like... a funny old bird! *giggle* SUNTOP: [to Ember] Hey! That's not nice! He's a friend of Frank! EMBER: [to Suntop] He is not! Frank says that Dr. Claytim-- [Cutter places a hand over Ember's mouth; Leetah is in the background trying to suppress a giggle; Cutter looks a little embarrassed...] [scene switches to Deep E-a-F; Frank also looks a little embarrassed...] DR. C: [feigned cheeriness] Oh, that's nice. So, you've already met Frank, I see? Hmm? [to Frank; suddenly showing great anger] Frank! [Frank cringes slightly] I *told* you not to contact the Wolfrider elves while we were on vacation! You could have ruined everything! FRANK: [rather sheepish] Well, I just really missed... seeing those wolf-guys... and I wanted to meet the new kids too-- it's been such a long time since there's been any elf-children around here, you know... DR. C: [still looks angry, but seemed to soften somewhat on that last statement] I don't *care*, Frank! It was still a bad idea! [scene switches to Sun Village] VOICE OF MAGIC (VoM): Please don't be too upset at Frank, Dr. Claytimmain-- I sort of encouraged him by giving him news of the events here-- besides, I rather *liked* having my voice back for those brief moments during Frank's sendings. Oh, and thanks to Frank, I got a great idea for a new project which I can show you later! EMBER: Yeah! I *like* Frank-- he's fun! SUNTOP: He has a nice "magic feeling" too! LEETAH: [a little undecided] Well, his little "visits" *are* interesting, I guess... CUTTER: [cracking a mischievous smile] Y'know, I think I actually would have *missed* Frank's sendings over those seven turns... [scene switches to Deep E-a-F] DR. C: Oh great-- what is this? The Open-Sending's Frank Appreciation Society?? Feh... [to Frank] Frank! Oh, just... go get your invention-- I'll discuss this with you *later*! [Frank runs over to where the television set is and turns it on, then he starts searching for something among a pile of videocassettes] *sigh* [now much calmer] As you *may* recall, last time we presented an idea for re-packaging our first five comic books to trick, er.., *encourage* the Earth-humans into purchasing more than one copy of the same material. Today, Frank is going to show us something else along that same line-- I'm not sure what it *is*, but I do know he's been working hard on it for quite a while... Let's see what he's got for us! Frank? [Frank is still searching through the video cassettes; he finally picks out two of them, and looks at them as if he isn't sure which one is the correct one; the television set is just displaying a "snow" (noise) pattern.] FRANK: [still holding the two video cassettes] [excited] Okay! As we've mentioned before, these Earth-humans can sort of "open-send" pictures and sound by something they call "television." [points to the TV set] But it seems that only a very few humans can actually "send" this way though, and so *they* get to choose the picture-stories-- what they call "television shows"-- that they "send." Well, a little while ago, Dr. Claytimmain and I tried to sell some ideas for television shows based on your adventures and stuff, but the humans in charge of the sending-stations didn't seem to like them or something... Anyway, then I started thinking about these *nifty* machines that many of the humans have with which they can actually *store* these TV "sends" so they can experience them later, as many times as they want! [points to the VCR] Humans can even buy special sending- tapes which have picture-stories produced elsewhere already stored on them! [indicates the tapes he's holding] So, my idea was, why not take our first five Elfquest comic books and make them into a television picture-story and sell the *tapes* to the Earth-humans? Now, most of the humans don't have these sending-storage devices-- or "video cassette recorders" as they call them-- yet, but since we can sell these sending-tapes for a lot more than the comic books *or* the Graphic Novels, I think we can still make a lot off these things! DR. C: Well now! That actually sounds like a pretty good idea! Good work, Frank! I didn't know you had it in you! Just think-- they'll buy the comic books, the Graphic Novels, *and* the "video cassette" sending-tapes-- and they're all based on the *same* symbol-story material! By the way, what do you call these things? FRANK: It's called the "Elfquest Video Comic Book-- Produced by Frank!" Here, let me show it to you-- it's on... well... *one* of these tapes-- let's try this one first... [Frank pushes the "Eject" lever on the VCR, inserts the tape into the carriage which just popped up, pushes the carriage down, and pushes the "Play" lever on the machine... The screen of the TV goes blank, and a few seconds later, (after a series of clicks and whirring noises from the machine) an episode of the "Sheriff Lobo" show appears on the TV screen.] FRANK: [somewhat embarrassed] Oops! Uh... wrong tape... eh... [Frank stops the tape, ejects it, and tries the other tape. The TV screen goes black for a few seconds, and then a scene from the "Elfquest Video Comic Book-- Produced by Frank" appears. A few minutes pass while the tape runs before anyone speaks] DR. C: Um... Uh, Frank? These voices-- they don't sound *anything* like the *real* elves do-- and Treestump! Sheesh! And, well, I *know* you wanted to do this just using the pictures from the comic books, but it just doesn't *look* quite as good as a real send-- not even the limited TV "sends" of the Earth-humans! *sigh* Well, at least the basic *idea* wasn't *entirely* stupid this time... FRANK: [a little angry and disappointed] Gee, you never seem to like *any* of my inventions! Just wait-- I'll bet if we try selling these things ten or so Earth-turns from our usual slot-- when more of the humans have those video recorder things-- it'll work out great! We could start an "Elfquest Video Club," and make a big flashy color advertisement that doesn't really describe the tapes at all, and-- DR. C: Just *forget* it, OK? Fools they may be, but I kinda doubt very many Earth-humans will fall for that one-- the humans *talk* to each other too much! Once they find out it isn't as good as they thought, they'll just blab it all over until *everyone* finds out! FRANK: [to himself] Well, I *still* think it's worth a try... [scene switches to Sun Village; all look rather confused... even more so than usual after seeing one of the Mad's inventions...] LEETAH: Cutter, I didn't understand anything the Mad High Ones just told us-- are they *always* like that? CUTTER: [to Leetah] Well, yes, but that made even *less* sense than most of the things they show us... [to the Mads] So, uh, what's going on? We've had seven turns of peace here while you've been gone-- [somewhat smugly] and all our enemies are far away-- so what are you trying to get us involved in *now*? [scene switches to Deep E-a-F] DR. C: [grinning evilly] Oh, so you think all your enemies are far away, do you? *snicker* That's a *good* one! Well, cookie-Cutter, in just a short while you're going to find out exactly *why* we called our comic-book series "Elf *Quest*!" The fun's just getting started! FRANK: [looking startled, as if touched by some outside force] Dr. Claytimmain! DR. C: Hmm? What? FRANK: I'm not sure... I just *felt* something-- sort of like the fluttering of a moth's wing-- but it didn't happen here-- it was happening to someone else... There's just something *wrong*, something *familiar* about it, that's all-- but I can't figure out what it is... DR. C: Hmmm... Well, don't worry about it, Frank-- after all, what harm could that be to us? Hahaha! FRANK: [now seems startled by something going on elsewhere in the room, looks back for a few seconds, then turns back around to Dr. C looking somewhat worried] Uh, Dr. Claytimmain...? Look over there at Pini Predestinator-- something's changing with the symbol loop! DR. C: Wha? [looks over at the Pini Predestinator symbol loop] Hey, wait a minute... Something's wrong! Some of the scenes *I* put there have been replaced by other symbols..! Uh Frank? You haven't done anything to Pini Predestinator, have you? FRANK: Not me! As far as I know, Pini Predestinator is still only supposed to *insert* bits that foreshadow what *we've* already planned! Here, let me check with him real quick-- [Frank briefly goes into a trance-like state] Well, *whatever's* going on, *he's* not the cause of it-- apparently, some event *outside* our control has affected the course *we've* planned, and so Pini Predestinator is merely "correcting" the symbol loop! DR. C: [annoyed] Oh, just *great*! [sudden realization] Wait a minute-- that "touch" you felt just then-- you don't suppose..? FRANK: Eh? [suddenly quite worried] uh oh... I sure hope she hasn't found out anything-- you *know* I can't do much about *her* actions at all! That's the chance we took when we started this whole thing! DR. C: Uh, you'd better go send today's experiment *now*-- We've got to try to figure out *exactly* what's going on here, and find some way to keep her sidetracked-- I doubt she knows anything yet, but we've still got to regain control-- or we're going to be in *big* trouble! [scene switches to Sun Village] LEETAH: I don't think I'm *ever* going to understand those two! CUTTER: I'm not sure *anyone* can-- but they did seem to be concerned about *something* just now... I wonder who this "she"-being is that they seem to be so afraid of? I sure hope we don't meet *her*! VoM: *sigh* I *wish* you hadn't *said* that! CUTTER: Hmm? [pause] Oh. [looking more worried] Ooops! [lots of flashing colored lights appear from no discernable source, accompanied by equally mysterious, but familiar, buzzer noises; Cutter, Leetah, and the twins run around at random while a confused Nightrunner looks on.] VoM: Hey! I didn't get to show that new idea I came up with during the Mad High Ones' vacation! CUTTER: [still running around in vague circles] I know-- but it's too late now-- we've got TwoMoons Sign!! ...you know the rest! ---------- COMING UP: MET \5670 -- Show \107: Can the Mads get control back? Can the reader figure out just *who* the mysterious "she" is that the Mads always seem so frightened of, or hasn't that been made blatantly clear yet? Can the author decide exactly *what* should happen in this next episode? Can the author make up for the relative lack of major humor bits in Show \106? Can of SpaghettiO's by Franco-American? MET \5670 -- Show \110: Eight is a special number... In the Mad High Ones' case, it's also the number on a billiard ball! And they're behind it! Be sure to miss this special(?) episode sub-titled: "This means... WaR?!" --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Copyright (c) 1994 by Martin Kuhn. Permission is granted to redistribute this document to other forums, use printed copies to house-train your near-wolf, or whatever, provided these notices are left intact and no compensation is gained or requested. The preceding is a work of fiction using characters and story elements developed and owned by WaRP Graphics (Elfquest) and Best Brains, Inc. (Mystery Science Theater 3000) Neither of these companies hold any responsibility for the content of this fanfic, nor is any endorsement expressed or implied. This parody was written in the spirit of fun, and is not intended to cause any harm to the abovementioned companies or their products. "[ticka-ticka] [ticka-ticka-ticka] E.Q.M.F.S.! E.Q.M.F.S.! E.Q.M.F.S.! ElfQuest Means Fine Stories! ElfQuest Means Fine Stories! ElfQuest Means Fine Stories! So round, so firm, so fully packed! So free and easy on the draw! Yes, Elfquest means fine stories!" Nutrition Facts: ---------------- Serving Size about 17 kbytes Servings Per Container 1 ----------------------------- Amount Per Serving Calories 0 Total Fat 10 kbytes Cholesterol 0 bytes Sodium 1 grain Total Carbohydrate 0 Dietary Fiber 0 Sugars 6 kbytes Protein 0 Should WaRP Graphics be seriously interested in producing "The Elfquest Video Comic Book-- Produced by Frank," then... er.., um. On second thought, just forget it this time... :-)