MET \5670 Show \111 --Rev 1.01 Originally posted to EQUEST-L on Oct 23, 1994 [Close-up of Redlance concentrating on some flowers planted in a flower pot; the flowers do not appear to be changing in any way. Redlance places a hand on either side of the pot and concentrates still further. Still no effect on the flowers. Redlance grits his teeth and closes his eyes-- his forehead is furrowed in concentration and beads of sweat are dripping from his face. Still nothing happens. Slow pull-back-- we see that the flower pot is sitting on a countertop of some sort. Redlance's power is still not having any noticeable effect on the flowers. As the pull back progresses, we see that there are other, very similar, pots of flowers also on the countertop. Still no change in the flower pot Redlance is holding-- or any others, for that matter. Now the pull-back has progressed to where we can see even more of the countertop. We can now see a sign posted in front of the counter which reads: "All Plastic Floral Arrangements 50% Off"] [canned laughter] [fast-pan to a human sitting at a desk. He speaks:] "And now for something completely different." [quick cut to a ragged-looking old man] "It's" ["dong" sound] _Mystery Elfquest Theater Five-Six-Seven Eights!_ Yes, it's time once again for some more of that quest-ionable fanfic series that just won't go away! Today brings us the ninth tedious installment: Show \111: "This Means WaR?! (Part 2)" Today's episode will hopefully be able to answer most of those questions that were raised during the previous one. Though perhaps many of you didn't actually bother *asking* them. Well, no matter... :-) Of course, since the operative rule is "you know the rest," there probably won't be any surprise that Nonna and Adar *did* come back after last show's explosive ending... *Why* that could happen might not be particularly surprising either, but it does provide one explanation for the sub-title for this episode... Due to this being another big "plot-oriented" episode, it runs significantly longer than earlier episodes, and has a sub-average comic content. Hopefully, things will return somewhat to normal(?) next time, though it is getting pretty clear that the plot that has been developed of late is going to remain quite visible... Hopefully, the lighter side will be able to shine through it all. As always, I really appreciate what little feedback I get-- send comments, complaints, commends, commodes, communications, compost, [but, please, no heavy combustibles :-) ], and commands for previous episodes to me at: mkuhn@caesar.cs.uiowa.edu Thanks! See you in raise(SIGILL)! --Marty =============================== cut here 8<================================== [header still-frame is shown; voice over by video editor guy] VO: Mystery Elfquest Theater Five-Six-Seven Eights, Show eight-eights and nine, Reeeeeel one! [begin opening theme sequence] In the not too distant future, Next moon cycle A.D., The Sunfolk and the Wolfriders Knew that they still weren't really free. So Cutter hatched a plan that he knew was right-- "We've got to find other elf tribes and unite! If we all work together we can keep our place, It's the only way that we might preserve our race!" "This dangerous Quest is mine alone; You others must remain here!" (la-la-la) But Skywise followed Cutter anyway, To help his friend in times of fear. (la-la-la) Now keep in mind they couldn't control Exactly what they were to find, (la-la-la) But what they found exceeded all belief-- Are all elves truly one heart and mind? Wolfrider Roll Call! Cutter! ("Kinseeker!") Nightfall! ("the sword and arrow!") Strongbow! (**Keeper of The Way!**) Leetah! ("hands of healing!") One-Eye! ("Show yourself!") Dewshine! ("I'm not ready!") Treestump! ("Hello there!") Scouter! ("That's one 'O'!") Ember! ("born leader!") Redlance! ("the tree and flower!") Moonshade! ("always loyal!") Skywise! ("that's *my* lodestone!") Clearbrook! ("what haircut?") Suntop! ("I'm going out!") Piiiiiike! ("What, who's *Vaya*?") If you're wondering how they eat and breathe, And other elfin facts, (la-la-la) Just repeat to yourself "It'll all come clear-- This is the story that never lacks!" On Mystery Elfquest Theater Five-Six-Seven Eights! [end opening theme sequence] [long pull back through a network of tunnels or something; looks sort of like a hollow tree-- pull back is punctuated by various mechanical sounds and chimes; pull back ends with Cutter and Skywise (with Nightrunner and Starjumper) sitting under a tree next to Nonna and Adar's cave-hut. Everything looks as it did before the missile exploded at the end of the previous episode. The two elves are discussing recent events, while Cutter tends to his wolf-friend's injuries. Nonna can be seen in the background as she works with some leather. Adar can be seen finishing up some repairs to their home.] CUTTER: [watching Nonna prepare some leather for symbol-painting; sends to Skywise] ** You know, I've been wondering a lot about Nonna and Adar lately; Nonna seems to have met others of our kind, and they live in a cave which bears definite elf-magic--** SKYWISE: [sends to Cutter] ** Yeah, so? Just because they *say* they've met these "spirits," does that mean we should just *trust* them like that?? ** CUTTER: ** Well, Nonna *did* help me, you know... ** SKYWISE: ** Maybe they're just crazy with the foaming-sickness or something-- speaking of which, if you want to *ask* someone about all this, why not just ask the Mad High Ones next time they send? They might not be quite right in the head, but they know more about what's going on than any of us... I was thinking of asking them about that "star" we saw last night-- but perhaps we should also ask them about these "bird spirits" that Nonna mentioned... ** CUTTER: ** Say, that's an idea-- odd that none of us ever thought to *ask* them about anything before... I wonder if we *should*-- I bet they wouldn't say much-- I think I'm going to go have a talk with Nonna right now though... ** [A familiar sending-star shape starts flashing in the lower left-hand corner of the scene] CUTTER: [speaking out loud now] ...Or, perhaps not *quite* yet... [Cutter taps a nearby branch for no obvious reason] [Scene switches to Deep Eight-and-Five. Dr. Claytimmain and Open-Sending's Frank are both visible-- both have cheerful grins on their faces which are only partially successful at masking a feeling of unspecified annoyance. Something new can be seen as well-- off in the background, there appears to be a second pale-looking glider sitting opposite to Pini Predestinator and is also staring at the symbol loop with a fixed gaze...] DR. C: [forcing a smile] Hello Cutter! Hello Skywise! How are you feeling today, Cutter? I *sure* hope that Nonna was helpful to you two! [Scene switches to Cutter and Skywise; Nonna and Adar appear to be trying to figure out just who the two "bird spirits" are communicating with.] CUTTER: Oh, yes! She was really nice! I didn't know... that *humans* could be kind! SKYWISE: Yeah, I've never heard of a *kind* human... I'd still rather *hate* them, though... CUTTER: C'mon, Skywise-- see? not all humans are bad! Oh, and thanks Dr. Claytimmain and Frank for having us find those two! They seem to know all *sorts* of things about elves! [Scene switches to Deep E-a-F] DR. C: [forced smile] Don't mention it, Cutter... We were... hoping... those two would be quite helpful to you on your Quest! By the way, uh, did you two notice anything, uh, *unusual* during your hunt last night? [Scene switches to Cutter and Skywise] SKYWISE: [excited] Well, *yes*, as a matter of fact! Actually, we wanted to ask you something about that-- you see, we were tracking some game, when all of the sudden-- this *star* or something fell from the sky! There was this bright light-- and a noise like thunder when it hit the ground! We ran over to where we saw and heard it land-- it turned out that was right around Nonna and Adar's cave! But all we found was this... [Skywise lifts up one end of what appears to be a completely intact missile; the letters "DUD" are stencilled in black paint on the side] I even asked Nonna and Adar about it-- I wanted to know what happened to the bright shining star from the sky! But they just sort of smiled at each other and said that they hadn't seen anything... [grumbling to himself] stupid, lousy, no good humans... CUTTER: [cutting off Skywise's mumbling] Say, would you two know anything about these "bird spirits" who live in this mountain Nonna was telling us about? SKYWISE: [skeptical] Yeah-- I'd like to know if those humans are really telling the truth! [Scene switches to Deep E-a-F] DR. C: [caught off-guard] Uh... Well... I guess I can't really say... FRANK: Yeah! What would *we* know about some "Blue Mountain" place? DR. C: [quickly, to Frank] *Okay*-- enough, Frank! [to Cutter and Skywise] Sooooo, you think everything is going well with you, I see? Hmm? [evil smirk] Well, just you see my new invention! It's a new development aid along the same lines as Pini Predestinator. As you probably recall-- if you weren't lost in the Now all this time-- Pini Predestinator monitors scenes to come in the future-- which we shape here on this symbol-loop-- and inserts new scenes and dialogue which foreshadow these future events in some way. These new scenes are designed to both frustrate the Earth- humans who read about the events in comic-book form, as well as occasionally providing dramatic irony which cause an annoyance even you lab-rats can appreciate! Anyway, now meet Pini Predestinator's new partner in crime, WaRP'ed Conclusion! [points out the new glider sitting on the opposite side of the loop as Pini Predestinator] Yes, WaRP'ed Conclusion takes this premise one step further-- instead of being limited to subtle hints about the future, WaRP'ed Conclusion provides *obvious*, but very carefully controlled, clues about both current and future situations. These clues are deliberately calculated, though, to suggest a perfectly reasonable-- but *totally inaccurate* conclusion regarding the situations in question. [chuckles evilly to himself] Yes, by cleverly withholding certain important facts both from you *and* the Earth-human readers, we'll make everyone think they know what's going on-- when, in fact, they don't really know *anything*! The Earth-humans, being masochists at heart, will just *love* these little tricks-- we'll addict even *more* of them to our comic book series! As for, *you*, well... heh heh... I guess that's the way the toss-stone bounces! [evil grin] So, anyway, with the assistance of Frank, here, we're going to demonstrate the power of WaRP'ed Conclusion right before your eyes! According to WaRP'ed Conclusion, we see that quite soon, Leetah's going to see something which *chuckle* will suggest something very obvious, but incorrect, regarding a certain "friend" of yours... [Scene switches to Cutter and Skywise] CUTTER: [suddenly getting angry] What *about* Leetah?? If you two do anything to harm her, I'm going to-- [Scene switches to Deep E-a-F] DR. C: Oh, just calm down, Kitchen Magician-- this is all perfectly harmless fun! ...Well, fun for *us*, anyway-- *chuckle* --but harmless, none the less. Just to prove it, we're going to *mark* that scene with a bit of dialogue so you can trade notes about it and have a good laugh after it's all over! Ok, Frank-- come over here! FRANK: [private send; to Dr. C] ** Are you sure that's wise? They might spoil the whole thing! ** DR. C: [private send; to Frank] ** Oh, don't worry-- Cutter and Skywise won't remember to ask Leetah about it before the ruse is revealed-- and even if they do, it won't really matter! Besides, if everything goes properly, by the time Leetah catches up with them, it will be almost time for Two-Edge's "game" anyhow! Now get over here, OK? ** FRANK: ** Ok, ok-- whatever... I still don't know why I have to do this-- I have no idea what to say for this thing... ** DR. C: [speaking out loud again] Frank? Just step right over here next to WaRP'ed Conclusion... [Frank walks over and stands next to WC.] Ok, now send some uniquely identifiable line of dialogue to WaRP'ed Conclusion, and he will imprint it in the proper place in the loop. FRANK: Okayyy.... [Frank private-sends something to WC] DR. C: Fine! Ok, let's see what you did... [Dr. C studies the loop a moment] You sent... "Watch out for *snakes*???" FRANK: Well... I don't know-- they're in the desert-- there's snakes in the desert-- I think... and-- DR. C: [getting exasperated] Oh, just *forget* it-- it'll just have to do... at least there won't be any confusion later on just *who* has this Quest under control! [evil cheeriness again; to Cutter and Skywise] Hmmm...? [evil grin] Well, time to let you two get back to your Quest! [somewhat lower in tone] Oh, and as for Nonna and Adar... well... uh... [apparently regretting mentioning them at all] they might not have everything *entirely* right... yeah... [forcing a final smile] Well, later! [Scene switches to Cutter and Skywise] CUTTER: [puzzled; to Skywise] What do you think all *that* was about? SKYWISE: [also a bit confused] I don't... know... [lots of buzzers and flashing lights suddenly go off; Cutter and Skywise run around while the two humans look on uncomprehendingly; the two wolves only give cursory attention to the sudden reaction in their elf-friends] CUTTER: We got TwoMoons sign!! [scene goes to black for a few seconds, then, in a single spotlight, we see a small figure standing on an otherwise empty stage. He speaks:] Hello again! Last time, as you may recall, the Mad High Ones launched a missile at Nonna and Adar in an attempt to get rid of an influence which would no doubt ruin their plans for the Elfquest story. Also, you may recall that the missile *did* indeed hit its intended target! But, now, apparently Nonna and Adar are well and good, and their home is intact once again... and what was obviously a perfectly functional missile now has "DUD" stencilled on it! "Why? How is *that* possible?" I hear you say. "What is this, _Plot Convenience Theater_??" I hear you exclaim. Well.... Perhaps. [grin] You be the judge. Let us now take another look behind the scenes as we re-cap the ending of the previous installment, and then find out what *really* happened after the explosion... [Scene switches to Deep Eight-and-Five; Dr. Claytimmain and Frank are standing at the amazingly complex-looking missile control panel as they are about to launch the missile. The room is dark save for a small red "dark adaption" light and the green glow of the radar screen. Lots of beeping noises can be heard.] DR. C: C'mon-- push the button, Frank! Er, wait-- *I'll* get it! [Dr. C reaches over and presses the "launch" button himself] There! [the beeping noises get even faster, and the light in the room suddenly becomes even dimmer for an instant] [Scene switches to somewhere near the top of Blue Mountain; a small part of the mountain side is hinged upward, revealing a missile launcher. With a loud roar, the missile suddenly takes off, leaving a trail of smoke behind it.] [Scene switches to a tight close-up of Dr. C and Frank watching the radar screen; their faces are illuminated solely by the green phosphor of the screen. Dr. C has a big evil grin-- Frank looks a bit more deadpan, but even he seems to be hopeful that the missile will reach its intended target...] [Scene switches to a point-of-view shot from the missile's perspective-- we see the World of Two Moons landscape rapidly zoom by far below. The loud roar of the missile can be plainly heard.] [Scene switches to the same close-up of Dr. C and Frank-- Both are intently watching the radar screen with great anticipation and excitement.] [Scene switches to Nonna and Adar; they are in front of their cave, sitting at a fire. A roaring noise starts to be heard-- faint at first, it becomes louder and louder-- Nonna and Adar turn around to face the source of the noise; Adar rises to his feet and points to somewhere in the sky; Both start to look fearful as they (apparently) follow the path of the missile with their eyes. Nonna and Adar start to run back to the cave as the area becomes illuminated by a bright yellow light-- but then they turn back around towards the light, squinting and shading their eyes with their hands. We see them, standing like that and facing us, when suddenly-- ....ffffffFFFFFFSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *BOOOOOOOMMM*!!!! --Nonna and Adar are vaporized in a bright flash of light! As the smoke clears, all that can be seen is a charred and blackened crater where Nonna and Adar once stood; there is soot everywhere, and bits and pieces of plants and trees are falling about-- many still in flames...] [Scene switches back to Dr. C and Frank, but not quite as tight a close-up as before.] DR. C: [waving a fist in the air] YES!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA! We've *done* it, Frank! We've *done* it! FRANK: [somewhat surprised] Wow! That missile-thing really *worked*! Neato! DR. C: Yes! And, boy, did it *ever*! OK, that's enough for *this* experiment-- go up to the Great Egg and send the story off to Wendy and Richard or whoever-- and pick up our copy of the finished Elfquest issue #8... 'kay? I just want to stay here and *savor* the moment...! FRANK: [happy] Ok, Steve! [Frank runs off out of the scene] DR. C: [Walks over to the Pini Predestinator symbol loop and studies it] [smug and satisfied grin] Ahhhh, great-- *everything* is in ruins! Those two annoying humans will no longer be able to interfere with my great plans! Muahahahahahahaha! [Scene switches to the area around the Great Egg. Frank can be seen approaching the Egg-- he appears to be scouting around very carefully to make sure no Gliders other than Egg are around.] FRANK: [whisper; to Egg] Hi Egg! [Egg, of course, does not visibly respond] [Frank takes a seat on one of the benches surrounding the Egg; he goes into a sort of trance as he focuses on the interior of the Egg.] [Scene switches to a room in a house somewhere in Poughkeepsie, New York, USA, Planet Earth, Sun Sol, Galaxy Milky Way. Wendy and Richard are visible. Richard is busy typing something on an Apple ][+ microcomputer. Wendy is sitting at an art table; there are lots of artist tools and drawings scattered about the room, but Wendy just seems to be doodling something right now. There is also what appears to be a small replica of the Great Egg which slowly rotates as it hovers over an ornate stand on a table elsewhere in the room.] RICHARD: [Typing at the computer; speaking to himself as he types] Let's see... Hmm... How about: "Eight is a special number, it occurs to us, for several reasons. If you're an elf (one of ours, anyway) or a computer (a small one, anyway) then eight is the base for all of your counting. Eight fingers, you know. Well, we've had elves for three years, and now we're getting used to the newest addition to the WaRP family, a small home computer. More on him later. But EIGHT - that is, issue eight of ELFQUEST - is special for another reason. With this issue we are at and past the halfway mark in the spinning of our story!" [to Wendy] Say, Wendy-- can you believe it? We're *halfway* through with this series! WENDY: [Looking up from her drawing] Hmm? Yeah. Strange isn't it? Y'know, I think I'm gonna actually be sad to see this thing *end*... Maybe we can get those goofy aliens to send us some more stories after this? *After* a long break inbetween, of course... RICHARD: Heh. I don't know-- I agree we'll *need* a break after this "Quest" is done, though... Say, while we've got some time before those guys send us the new story today, have you got any ideas for material to add to this issue? After the letters pages and the announcement for our new fan club, we'll still have 4 or 5 pages to fill... WENDY: Well, *last* time we ran those pictures of artwork sent in by readers. We've got *lots* more we could print! RICHARD: [flipping through a copy of EQ #7] Well... maybe sometime later; don't really want to run the same type of thing two issues in a row... Say, Wendy-- look at this-- look at this picture we printed from that "Barry Blair" guy... Is it me, or did he actually *misspell* the name of one of his characters? "Greensleve" just doesn't sound good enough to be *intentional*, I don't think. WENDY: [Looking over at the page Richard is holding up] Say... I think you're *right*! Funny we never noticed that... Hope he didn't get too embarrassed... RICHARD: Oh, well... it's just fan art-- it's not like he's a regular artist for us, anyway... Say, I've got an idea for something to print in the next issue! How about some sheet music? We could write music for that "Wolfsong" thing that the elves sang in the troll tunnels back in issue #1, add an extra verse or two, and it would be great! WENDY: Say, that *is* a good idea! How about we do another song as well-- something about Recognition would be nice... RICHARD: Good! Now... let's see... [thinking a moment] How about this? [singing; sounds very *familiar*...] "Recognition! / Rec! Rec! Rec! Rec-ognition! / It is that little force with a big influence-- / To help a mating make moooore sense!" WENDY: Uh, Nooooo, I don't think so... Besides, that sounds bit too much like that song from _The Electric Company_... Well, we'll figure it out later... [Sudden grimace of pain] Ooooh-- that's odd-- I just got this strange headache-- RICHARD: [also grimacing] Really? I just one too-- It sorta feels like someone or something is trying to communicate... but I can't figure it out... WENDY: I don't understand it either-- whatever it is, it's really getting painful... RICHARD: Well, perhaps if we keep busy we won't notice the pain so much... Let's see... where was I... Y'know, this computer sure is going to be a big help in keeping track of our subscriptions-- and now that we've got a *decent* word processing program-- WENDY: Yeah, that "Wolf-Writer" thing that Frank sent us was really stupid! RICHARD: Uh huh... You know, though-- I'm amazed *they* actually got one of these computers before *we* did! This really *is* neat! Wouldn't it be great if everyone who had a home computer could "hook up" with each other somehow and exchange messages or play games or something? There could even be discussion groups about all sorts of specific topics! Why, there could even be a-- [Suddenly, the model Egg on the table starts to glow in a multi-colored light; a hidden buzzer cycles on and off a few times. Also, the random- seeming patterns in the Egg appear to shift into a new configuration.] RICHARD: Oh, looks like the story for issue #8 is coming in on the "egg"-- Well, this should be *interesting*, at least! [Wendy and Richard walk over to the model "Egg" and fix their gaze at the image pattern therein] WENDY: Oh, look! Ember's got her own wolf friend! [Scene goes black briefly to indicate the passage of time] WENDY: Hey-- look at those two humans-- Don't Nonna and Adar look a lot like us? RICHARD: Yeah... Kinda strange, isn't it? [Scene goes black briefly to indicate another passage of time] RICHARD: Say, what's going on? Nonna and Adar are looking at something in the sky-- apparently some large object is heading right towards them... WENDY: Wonder what that is-- Hey! What was that big explosion! Everything in the area was *destroyed*! RICHARD: It's as if a *missile* just hit Nonna and Adar! WENDY: Exactly! Now how could *that* have-- wait a minute-- that headache-- there's just something *about* it-- something that says that this explosion shouldn't have happened... RICHARD: Yeah... it's like there's something inside me asking for help-- as if we *shouldn't* write that scene into the new Elfquest issue. WENDY: Uh huh-- and as soon as I started thinking that, the headache started to go away... Ok, yeah-- just as an experiment, what say we just skip that scene in the new issue? We'll just end the issue with that bit in the Sun Village, okay? RICHARD: Sounds good to me-- gee, the whole idea makes me just *feel* good for some reason. Huh. How strange... Besides, I thought that was a pretty *silly* way for those two characters to die... A *missile* indeed! Sheesh! What do they think this is, _Star Trek_ or something? WENDY: [to herself] _Star Trek_... Spock... pointed ears... pointed-eared hob-goblin... [to Richard] Say, that gives me a *great* idea! [Scene switches to Blue Mountain at the Great Egg; Frank is still seated at a bench in front of the Egg] FRANK: [to himself] Let's see... got the story sent... now just re-set the Egg to four Earth-moons later... Ok... should be able to get it... now! [A magazine materializes from the Egg; Frank picks it up] Got it! Oooh! This is going to be soooo *great*! [Frank runs off excitedly, carrying the new Elfquest issue] [Scene switches to Deep E-a-F; Dr. Claytimmain is watching the symbol loop. He looks *really* upset. Frank is just now entering the scene; he is carrying a brand new EQ #8] FRANK: [excited] Here it is! The eighth Elfquest issue! [notices that Dr. C is upset about something] Hey, Dr. Claytimmain? What's wrong? DR. C: [angry] *I'll* tell you what's wrong! Look! Look at the symbol loop! [pushes Frank towards the symbol loop and forcefully turns his head towards it] FRANK: [to Dr. C] Heeey! Watch it! [now staring at the loop] Wha...? Nonna? and Adar? *Alive*? But how...? DR. C: *sigh* I'm not really sure, Frank-- all I know is that one minute there was nothing but ashes and flame where Nonna and Adar were, and the next minute, *bam*! Everything was back to the way it was-- as if the missile had never struck! Leeme see that new Elfquest issue-- [Dr. C grabs the EQ #8 out of Frank's hands; Dr. C starts flipping through towards the end of the issue] Hey! This issue just ends with Suntop trying to rescue Savah! There's nothing about Nonna and Adar getting blown up at all!! Frank!! Did you screw it up?? FRANK: No! I sent the whole story, honest I did! Besides, even if I *had* omitted that scene, it wouldn't have actually changed anything *here*... DR. C: [thinking] True... Hmmm... [thinking some more] Y'know, Frank, I have a feeling that the similarity between Nonna and Adar and Wendy and Richard is more than mere coincidence... You don't suppose...? FRANK: [pause] Well, it's *possible*, I guess... I didn't know humans could have that sort of relationship in spirit... If it's true, though, we're not going to have an easy time getting Nonna and Adar out of our plumage... By the way-- it's almost time to contact Cutter and Skywise again-- what are we going to tell them? DR. C: We aren't going to tell them *anything*, you dink! We'll just let on as if we *planned* the whole thing-- maybe they'll never make it to Blue Mountain anyway-- if nothing else, perhaps Suntop will be able to deliver that warning to Cutter before it's too late... Maybe we can still pull this thing off-- and *no one* will have to know that anything went wrong! Ok, looks like Cutter and Skywise are just sort of hanging around outside the cave-- lemme just get our newly-trained "helper" set in place, and then we'll contact our little experiment subjects before they start doing anything else... [Scene switches to the empty stage; the figure standing on the stage speaks:] Looks like that's about where we came in, eh? So, *now* you know what really happened after the previous experiment. But, what about *this* one? [holds up a copy of EQ #9] Looking at the editorial, [opens the comic and turns to the first page] I see that ol' Stamplicker is already apologizing for his premature announcement that the Quest would end in issue #15... So, obviously, the Mads' hope that the Wolfriders would never reach Blue Mountain was dashed even before this issue's events were over. Well, at least the reason for *that* isn't such a mystery... However, let's get another look from the Mad High Ones' point of view and see how they react to the problem... [Scene switches to Deep Eight-and-Five; Frank can be seen in the foreground; he is cradling Nummy Muffin Coocol Runner in one arm and brushing its fur with his free hand. He seems to be mumbling some sort of "baby talk" to "Nummy" as he brushes it. In the background, Dr. Claytimmain is seen idly monitoring the symbol loop] FRANK: [quietly; to "Nummy"] Ooohh, nice Nummy Muffin Coocol Runner! Nummy like brush-brush? Make Nummy's fur all nice and soft... Awww... DR. C: [yelling at Frank] Frank! Where's my *pop*! You were going to bring me a Diet Squirt, remember?? [looking towards Frank; now getting angry] Oh, not that stupid Nummy Muffin Coocol Runner again! I thought I finally sealed that thing up in the wall!! FRANK: Well, Door-- DR. C: [getting exasperated] Oh, forget it-- Sheesh... I can't *believe* you still want that thing around... [pause; thinking] Anyway, just get me my Diet Squirt, okay?? FRANK: [interrupting his brushing-- we see the brush is just *covered* in pink fur] Well-- there isn't any more Diet Squirt! All we've got left is Mr. Pibb! DR. C: *Mr. Pibb*?? I specifically-- ... Oh, never mind-- I'll have the Mr. Pibb this time... *Anything's* a nice change of pace from that strange *wine* those gliders keep making... FRANK: [handing Dr. C a can of Mr. Pibb; looking over Dr. C at the symbol-loop pattern] What's going on anyway? DR. C: Oh, not much-- I'm just letting everything "free-run" until I can find a good opportunity to shape things to where we want-- Cutter and Skywise are trying to find a way down a waterfall, and the other Wolfriders are preparing to camp in a field somewhere... I think they're scouting around for food or something... FRANK: [now watching the loop as well] Hmm... well, there doesn't seem to be much for them to hunt where they are... Oh, and Dr. Claytimmain? I think that the "thief" human is trying to attack Skywise again... DR. C: *Again*?? Well, Cutter and Skywise can take care of themselves well enough... Should be fun to watch though! Heh heh! FRANK: Oh, and look! The other wolf-guys found some food! Look at that bird flying right towards them-- Strongbow'll get it easily! DR. C: [uninterested] That's nice... Say-- that bird looks kinda familiar... [sudden annoyance] Oh, *great*-- that rock got Skywise right in the *head*! He's not *dead* or anything, is he? FRANK: I sure hope not! No... I think he just went unconscious is all... DR. C: Ah, good-- We can't have Cutter getting sad and depressed now! FRANK: I think Cutter's pretty upset now, though... Hmm... "You are meat to be wasted!" Hey! That's a pretty neat line! DR. C: Yes, it's exactly the sort of thing I've always wanted to say to *you* as a matter of fact... FRANK: [pause] Hey!! [startle] Oh! Skywise came to-- and the "thief" guy is gonna pull him off the cliff! Ooooh! **C'mon! Grab that branch! Now!** Say, that was close! Uh oh, I think he broke his arm though; he can't grab the vine to pull himself up! DR. C: Well, I think Cutter can rescue him easily enough-- just as long as he isn't *dead*! FRANK: Yeah-- can you *believe* that Wendy-- the Earth-human-- suggested that we *kill off* Skywise!? DR. C: Sheesh... could you *imagine* what would happen if Skywise died right now?! The Wolfriders-- and especially Cutter-- would get *really* upset, and the readers would probably never buy our comic books *again*! Having Skywise die just cause he wanted to hang on to his lodestone is a bit much, I think. Besides, we need to keep everyone alive and kicking for the big battle later on! Good thing Wendy and Richard aren't the ones plotting this thing! [mumbling to himself; angry] Especially after how they "saved" Nonna and Adar... grrrrrrr.... FRANK: Hey! Looks like Strongbow shot down that bird, just like I said! DR. C: Well, I always *did* hope that one day Strongbow would get the bird! *chuckle* Say, *I* know what's familiar about that bird-- it looks a lot like Kureel's new bond-bird fledgling, doesn't it? FRANK: Yeah.... [long pause] [Dr. C and Frank glance over at each other] Uh oh... DR. C: Frank? I think we're in *big* trouble. FRANK: *Big* trouble. DR. C: *Really* big trouble. FRANK: Really *really* big trouble. DR. C: *Now* what are we going to do?? FRANK: [oblivious to Dr. C] Really really *really* big trouble. DR. C: The Chosen Eight are going to be *furious*! FRANK: [still oblivious] Really really really *really* big trouble. DR. C: *FRANK*! Cut that out! FRANK: [still oblivious] Really really-- [sort of a delayed startle] Hmm? Oh, sorry. DR. C: [trying rather unsuccessfully to act calm] Ok, Ok, let's just calm down and act rational-- no need to panic! There has *got* to be a way out of this mess, and we're going to find it! Now, let's just take a *careful* look at what's happened, and find a *logical* plan of action. [Dr. C walks over to a fairly flat, bare wall and starts shaping a diagram with his finger; he speaks while he draws in the rock] Okay, the Wolfriders shot down Kureel's bond bird. Kureel and the rest of the Chosen Eight will find this out very soon-- if they don't know it already. There isn't anything we can do to prevent that. Now, Kureel is pretty headstrong as it is, and will certainly want revenge-- the rest of the Chosen Eight will be angry enough besides anyway. In any case, the Wolfriders will almost certainly be brought here to face punishment for their actions, and there won't be anything we can do about that either. Cutter and Skywise will eventually find out-- even if we have to arrange it-- and will have to come here to rescue the others, because we won't have any say in the fate of the "offending" elves. FRANK: Well, I could always "suggest" to the Eight that they just leave the wolf-guys alone-- DR. C: [rolling his eyes back; dripping sarcasm] Oh, *great* idea, Frank! Why, the "black snake" will *never* notice that the Chosen Eight are being so uncharacteristically generous after one of their precious bond-birds got shot down! Why, she'd *never* think to start nosing around and start asking questions! FRANK: [a little embarrassed, and a little frightened] Oh, yeah, eh, heh... that's right... eh... DR. C: No, Frank-- any plans we make are going to have to be completely *undetectable*-- We can't afford to raise *any* suspicion, understand?! If our cover gets blown, we won't *ever* be rid of *her*-- *ever*! FRANK: [scared but somewhat hopeful] So, what's the plan? DR. C: *sigh* There isn't one. We'll probably have to "debrief" the Wolfriders later on, and no matter *what* happens, I think we can safely say that the Elfquest series is going to run a *bit* longer than we expected. While we're waiting for the new chain of events to settle in, though, let's just *panic*, okay? FRANK: [downfallen] Oh. Okay. [Dr. C and Frank start screaming and running in circles] DR. C and FRANK: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! ...you know the rest! ---------- COMING UP: MET \5670 -- Show \112: Well... it looks like the Mad High Ones are in Trouble with a capital "T"! And it's no Pop-O-Matic game either! ...Although there *will* be plenty of time for games later on! And another thing-- what in the World of Two Moons is WOTM-TV? Or *is* it? I'm not sure we'll *ever* find out *exactly*, but it should prove to be a rather ...interesting... look at another dimension in time and space, if nothing else! --------------------------------------------------------------------------- This fanfic Copyright (c) 1994 by Martin Kuhn. Permission is granted to redistribute this document to other forums, use printed copies to make paper airplanes in the shape of Tyldak, or whatever, provided these notices are left intact and no compensation is gained or requested. The preceding is a work of fiction using characters and story elements developed and owned by WaRP Graphics (Elfquest) and Best Brains, Inc. (Mystery Science Theater 3000) Neither of these companies hold any responsibility for the content of this fanfic, nor is any endorsement expressed or implied. The text of the editorial that the character of Richard types is in fact taken from the actual editorial of EQ #8, and thus is Copyright 1980 WaRP Graphics. I don't think their legal department has anything to fear there, though... :-) Any other similarity between dialogue and actions attributed to the characters of Wendy and Richard in this fanfic, and anything actually said or done by the real Wendy and Richard Pini, is purely coincidental. This parody was written in the spirit of fun, and is not intended to cause any harm to the abovementioned persons, companies, or their products. [calliope sound] doot-doo doot-doo doot-doo doot-doo doot-doo doot-doo doot-doo I love Elfquest, It's rich with mystery! Pathos-flavored Elfquest With bits of comedy! The Pinis put it in my life By sharing the sto-ry! Elfquest gives me something-- Don't know what it could be! Oh! I love Elfquest! That's the book for me! But, after I wrote the above commercial [which I bet very few readers are going to know the jingle it's based on... :-) ], I couldn't seem to stop, so I wrote the following: :-) I love Elfquest, It marked my life, you see. Sometimes I really wonder How did they addict me? After I thought about it, I wrote a parody-- It's a lot like Elfquest Combined with MST! Oh! I love Elfquest! That's the book for me! Oh, and a quick final word to Barry Blair: I'll bet that was embarrassing enough as it was at the time-- I wonder just how many people have brought that particular error to your attention since then... :-) It is kinda funny though, you have to admit...