MET \5670 Show \117 --Rev. 1.00 Originally posted on Oct 11, 1995 And now, it's time for another tedious episode of the fanfic series that proves the old adage, "you get what you pay for," _Mystery Elfquest Theater Five-Six-Seven Eights!_ Show \117 -- "Radio Killed the Sending-Star (Part 2)" Today, I'm skipping the preliminaries to get on with the hostilities-- and have even scrapped the commercial break this time 'round just to keep this episode down to a manageable size. We've got places to see and people to go, so let's get started! But first, one announcement: Remember last time, when I put out a request for letters of comment to be used as part of a joke in a future episode? Well, in an amazing demonstration of good taste among netizens, only *one* person responded to my request! In case more of you would like to show that you too can lower *your* entertainment standards, I'll give you another chance! :-) Send in a comment-- good, bad, or indifferent-- which is vaguely related to this series, and it might end up appearing in a future episode-- with credit of course. I can't tell you more about what this is going to be, but remember-- the more you contribute to this thing, the less of *my* writing you'll have to read! Sound good? If you need a topic, here's a suggestion: If there really was a "Win a Night on the World of Two Moons" contest as envisioned by the Mad High Ones, what would *you* want to be able to do if you won? Assume for the moment that you could choose *any* time and place within Elfquest canon (including points after the time in which this episode of MET \5670 takes place), and disregard for the moment any *practical* problems there might be with your idea. This is total fantasy, 'kay? The only restriction is that whatever you choose must be performable in no more than a day or two WOTM-time. Answers on a postage stamp to: mkuhn@cs.uiowa.edu As usual, previous episodes of Mystery Elfquest Theater may be found on ftp.lupine.org in the /pub/ElfQuest/writing directory. Or, you can request them directly from me via email at the above address. Thanks! See you in PEEK(49200) ! --Marty ======================== cut here 8<====================================== [header still-frame is shown; voice over by video editor guy] VO: Mystery Elfquest Theater Five-Six-Seven Eights, Show eight-eights, eight and seven, Reeeeeel one! [begin opening theme sequence] In the not too distant future, Next moon cycle A.D., The Sunfolk and the Wolfriders Knew that they still weren't really free. So Cutter hatched a plan that he knew was right-- "We've got to find other elf tribes and unite! If we all work together we can keep our place, It's the only way that we might preserve our race!" "This dangerous Quest is mine alone; You others must remain here!" (la-la-la) But Skywise followed Cutter anyway, To help his friend in times of fear. (la-la-la) Now keep in mind they couldn't control Exactly what they were to find, (la-la-la) But what they found exceeded all belief-- Are all elves truly one heart and mind? Wolfrider Roll Call! Cutter! ("Kinseeker!") Nightfall! ("the sword and arrow!") Strongbow! (**Keeper of The Way!**) Leetah! ("hands of healing!") One-Eye! ("Show yourself!") Dewshine! ("I'm not ready!") Treestump! ("Hello there!") Scouter! ("That's one 'O'!") Ember! ("born leader!") Redlance! ("the tree and flower!") Moonshade! ("always loyal!") Skywise! ("that's *my* lodestone!") Clearbrook! ("what haircut?") Suntop! ("I'm going out!") Piiiiiike! ("What, who's *Vaya*?") If you're wondering how they eat and breathe, And other elfin facts, (la-la-la) Just repeat to yourself "It'll all come clear-- This is the story that never lacks!" On Mystery Elfquest Theater Five-Six-Seven Eights! [end opening theme sequence] [long pull back through a network of tunnels or something; looks sort of like a hollow tree-- pull back is punctuated by various mechanical sounds and chimes; pull back ends with the Wolfriders (except for Dewshine) gathered around the dining chamber] CUTTER: ...but he's putting up with Tyldak a lot better than *I* put up with Rayek! [Leetah sobs and becomes teary-eyed at this remark] CUTTER: [to Leetah] What *is* it? LEETAH: Back when we crossed the burning waste-- we travelled along that wall of rock... and found a small cave containing... [Leetah pulls a finger bone from her clothing and hands it to Cutter.] CUTTER: And you think... *this* is..? LEETAH: It *must* be! CUTTER: [very sympathetic] Rayek..! I'm sorry. I-- really am... *sorry*. [With its usual unerring timing, the familiar sending-star symbol starts flashing in the corner of the scene. Cutter seems a bit angry about the interruption, but he calmly taps the floor with his hand.] [Scene switches to Deep Eight-and-Five. Dr. Claytimmain and Open Sending's Frank are visible. In the background, Frank is busy connecting their stereo system to the radio transmitter. A stack of country/western records can be seen nearby.] DR. C: Why, hello again, chief saw-bones..! And "nurse!" Sorry to interrupt your little moment of silence there, but I see you've met the "fickle finger of fate" as it were... *chuckle* FRANK: Watch out for snakes! [Dr. C glares at Frank-- Frank responds with a "What?? What??" expression and shrugs his shoulders.] DR. C: [now turning towards us again] Uh, Frank *will* be sorry about that *later*, but on the topic of *snakes*, did you all have fun with Winnowill? [grin] Well, don't feel *too* bad about her, because I'm quite sure this will turn out to be only a short *reprieve* rather than a total solution to the problem-- but you'll probably figure that out later. Anyway, thanks to your help, now Lord Voll will be able to re-gain his *real* dream..! and... [quickly tapering off] uh... well... FRANK: [interrupting] Uh, wolf-guys..? I'm not sure what's *exactly* going to happen after today-- some of it will be really good, and some of it will... probably not be so good. ...But, I'm not sure you're going to *like* *any* of it at first. DR. C: [a bit uncomfortably] Yes, well, we'll try to explain it later-- but we do have an agreement with Two-Edge not to interfere with certain... ah-- *events*. [Scene switches to the Wolfriders] CUTTER: [surprised and confused] What?? [Scene switches to Deep E-a-F] DR. C: Hmm? [somewhat nervously] Oh-- eh, heh-- you didn't hear that. You'll find out soon enough, I guess. However, let me just say that, in all seriousness, things would be a *lot* worse for you and yours if it wasn't for our little... "arrangements." In any case, whatever evil or sorrow you may face will likely not be of our doing. But, I think in this case, the end justifies the means-- and I think even *you* will agree eventually! Um... [tries to think of a way out of the conversation-- but evidently fails] Bye! [Scene switches to Deep E-a-F] SKYWISE: Oh, now I *know* we must be about to get in trouble... CUTTER: Why? The Mad High Ones generally play fair, and they try to help us *most* of the time-- even if they *are* usually a bit mean-spirited about it. SKYWISE: That's just it! Doctor Claytimmain *usually* makes a point to appear cruel and evil whenever he speaks to us! But he's really been getting *apologetic*... And what *was* that about Two-Edge anyway..? [Suddenly, lots of flashing lights, beeping buzzers, everyone running around in a panic, you know-- the usual.] CUTTER: [running around] Later, Skywise! We've got TwoMoons Siiiiign! [Scene switches to Deep E-a-F. Frank has resumed his tinkering with the radio transmitter and stereo equipment. Dr. C is looking on.] DR. C: Frank? Just what *are* you doing, anyway? FRANK: Oh, I just thought I'd try to use this radio-sending equipment to broadcast *music* just like the humans on the Earth-world do! All I have to do is play records over the radio and announce them! The humans on Earth who do this are called "disc jockeys." Look! I've got all these music records I can play, and I even thought of a catchy name for my radio station just like the stations on Earth! DR. C: [not really very interested] Didn't you already have a radio-name? That one your "friend" gave you-- "W0TMA" or something like that. FRANK: Well, *yeah*, but as a dee-jay radio station, I also need something more dynamic-- something which will make people remember *my* station and keep listening to it! DR. C: Oh. Well, that makes sense. So, what are you going to call your radio station? FRANK: [excitedly] It's a *radio* station-- called "Frank!" DR. C: [obviously underwhelmed] Uhhhh... FRANK: [bright and excited] Y'see, *my* name is Frank, and the *radio* station's name is Frank! Isn't that *neat*? Everyone who listens will know who they're listening to, because the radio station is called "Frank!" Now, I know, that's not as good as a *real* send, because with a real send, you can tell who-- DR. C: [interrupting] Frank? And just *who* is going to be listening to your silly "Frank" station? I told you about that before, y'know. FRANK: Oh! Well, you see I gave-- [pause] [rather embarrassed] er, well, uh, don't worry. *Someone* will have a radio. Uh, that's it. Yeah. DR. C: Anyone besides *Skywise*, by any chance..? Hmmmmm..? FRANK: Well, *no*, but-- [pause] Oh. You noticed, huh? DR. C: Well, of *course*, Frank. The readers on Earth better *not* be able to notice, or you're in big trouble-- got it? FRANK: Don't worry-- they won't! DR. C: Enough of this. Frank, while you were having your latest "chat" with your little Earth-human "friend," did you happen to ask him if he'd be interested in participating in our little "test..?" FRANK: Oh! Yes! He said he'd be happy to try, provided he could stay just long enough to see if he could have a dream of his realized, and that he could be returned to exactly the same time on Earth that he left from. I know we can do *that* if it even works at *all*. DR. C: [rolling his eyes] Well, I can just *imagine* what bizarre and improbable fantasy that he asked to have fulfilled if he could visit. Let me guess. He wants to be in some *glorious* and *heroic* battle against the trolls, or something. FRANK: No, that's not-- DR. C: Alright, then he probably wants every female elf on the entire *world* to join with him in an unending frenzy of lust, until he completely passes out from exhaustion-- and *then* some. Is that it? FRANK: No, not exactly, no-- DR. C: Well, what *does* he want? FRANK: He, um... wants to give Nightfall a hug. DR. C: A *hug*?? That's about the *stupidest*-- What kind of dumb fantasy is *that*? FRANK: He says that whenever Nightfall feels sorrowful about something-- like when she cried over the unconscious Redlance in the desert-- DR. C: Okay... FRANK: --or when Cutter got mortally wounded-- DR. C: Huh? Wha? FRANK: --or when Rayek took off with Cutter's family-- DR. C: Wait-- Frank-- when did *these* things happen..? FRANK: Well, I don't think they've happened *here* yet, but remember-- I've been contacting that Earth-human at a different turn on their world than I have with those publisher-guys. DR. C: [rubbing his chin in thought] Ohhhhh yeahhhh... That's right..! [now excited] Why, Frank! Don't you see what this *means*..? FRANK: Uh... We can get advance copies of the Elfquest comic book..? DR. C: *sigh* No! It means we-- [pause] Oh. Er, wait. You were actually *right* this time. Uh, next time you talk to your "friend," I'll have a few questions for you to ask-- but, I've got to *think* about this first. [to himself] Why didn't I consider this possibility *before*..! FRANK: Wow! Dr. Claytimmain, if we had those comic books, we wouldn't even have to *plan* these events anymore! Think of all the free time we'd have! DR. C: [rolling his eyes back] Frank, as if you *needed* more free time... Seriously, though, we'd *still* have to plan and shape things just as we do now. FRANK: Why? If we already *know* how things will turn out in the *future*, then why do we still need to do anything about it *now*? DR. C: Because, Frank, those *future* events are based on the premise that we've continued to act as we are-- er, well, *actually*, that won't be right, because we'll know what happens at some point from *now*, so... [getting confused] I guess what happens in the *past* affects... no, wait, what I mean is-- if we-- FRANK: I don't think I understand this... DR. C: I don't think *I* do either. It's fortunate that we don't need to worry about time travel ever happening in an *Elfquest* story, at least... [Scene switches to the aerie at the top of Blue Mountain-- the word "Meanwhile..." appears superimposed over the scene. Lord Voll is taking off with Cutter and Ember on Tenspan, and Aroree with Leetah and Suntop. We see Cutter suddenly become angry as he realizes what's going on here...] [Scene goes black momentarily, and the words "A day or two later..." appear.] [Scene switches to Deep E-a-F. Frank is seated at the table with the radio equipment and is waving some records in his hand-- he is gesturing wildly as he speaks into the microphone. Dr. C is in the foreground studying some copies of the old first edition "Dungeons and Dragons" rule books-- or trying to, anyway; Dr. C looks increasingly annoyed with Frank's loud radio-sending act.] FRANK: [into microphone] It's a *radio* station... called Frank! Hi Wolf-guys! It's me, Frank, with another 30 minutes of uninterrupted music! Here on W0TMA! Turn your crank to Frank! [Frank cues up a country-western record on the turntable, and sets down the microphone. We hear the record playing softly in the background, as we segue into--] [Scene switches to the Wolfriders (those who are not currently being held hostage, anyway) resting somewhere during their long journey to the Frozen Mountains. Skywise is holding the radio, and the others are huddled around, listening to it. The same song continues to be heard in the background, but now much "tinnier" sounding, as it is now coming from the little transistor radio instead.] TREESTUMP: What sort of music *is* this *anyway*? It *is* supposed to be *music*, right? SKYWISE: Frank says it's some sort of "kun-tree west-urn" music... I don't know what that means, though. NIGHTFALL: I must say it sounds little like the music that we or the Sun Villagers play. ONE-EYE: Aye! I wish I could understand that strange human *speech*, though. SKYWISE: Me too-- it seems like *most* of these songs have words like "broh-kehn hart," "dawg," "cheetihng," and "pih-kupp truhk." REDLANCE: Well... if those humans sing about the same things the Sun Villagers do, I'd guess those are *their* words for "lovemate," "life," "happiness," and "joining." NIGHTFALL: I think I like *our* words better. Our music *sounds* happier too. PIKE: Perhaps the humans just need some dreamberries! They surely make *me* sing happier! SKYWISE: [smiling] Only in *your* opinion, Pike! [Everyone starts giggling and laughing at this-- and even Pike joins in the merriment as well.] [Scene briefly goes black again, this time with the words "Several days later..." captioned over it.] [Scene switches to Winnowill's lair; Winnowill is evidently recovering and is trying to sort out what happened...] WINNOWILL: How could those simple Wolfriders possibly been able to defeat me? They've awaken what should have remained dormant within Lord Voll-- the dream I took away from him long ago. Now he's left on his foolish quest, and even the help of those strong-- but mortal-- elves won't be enough. Fortunately, the rest of the gliders are weak and yielding-- This is *my* place, and *they'll* know who their new Lord is! ...Except, perhaps, those two who call themselves "the Mad High Ones." But, as long as they continue to stay out of my way, I'll-- [pause; considers a moment] Wait. I wonder... those two *have* been even more reclusive than usual of late-- it seems this started not long before the Wolfriders appeared here. And, what *was* Frank doing around Egg the other day? Something isn't quite right-- even for *those* two. I don't know how they could possibly have had anything to do with recent events, but I'm going to have to make certain of their innocence, if innocent they be... [black send to Frank] ** FRANK! You will appear before me-- NOW! ** [Black scene-- "Meanwhile, one level further down..."] [Scene switches to Deep E-a-F. Dr. C and Frank are watching a tape of a _Gilligan's Island_ episode on the television set. We see Skipper yelling and hitting Gilligan while Gilligan cringes and tries to get away.] FRANK: Oh, poor Gilligan! That Skipper human just doesn't treat him very well-- just because he keeps messing up their plans to get off of that *island*... [Dr. C turns and stares at Frank] [long pause] FRANK: [turning to Dr. C] What?? What did I say *this* time? DR. C: Oh, *forget* it. Shut off that sending-tape, Frank-- we've got more *important* things to do right now anyway. [Frank suddenly goes stiff and quiet as he receives Winnowill's black-sent summons] DR. C: Frank..? [Frank is still silent] DR. C: [more concerned] Frank?? Are you alright? What happened? FRANK: [somewhat dazed] Winnowill... DR. C: What *about* her? FRANK: [still dazed] She *called*. DR. C: Uh oh. Do you think... she *knows*..? FRANK: I... I'm not sure... But she... certainly *suspects* something... I must... go to her... Now. *ulp* DR. C: [concerned] Oh no..! Frank? You won't-- You can resist *her*, yes, I know-- right? FRANK: I think so... I'd *better*... DR. C: Be strong..! I guess... I guess I'll see you later... I hope. FRANK: I hope so too... [Frank leaves the cavern; we can hear his footsteps gradually fall off into the distance-- Dr. C just stands in the foreground looking forlorn and muted.] DR. C: [suddenly claps his hands and grins] Finally! He's *gone*! Now I have the place all to myself! I can move all this radio-sending junk out of the way and get some rest around here! Ah, peace at last! No more ridiculous Earth-human music! No more television sending-tapes! [Dr. C starts to pick up some of the mess on the table, but stops-- and becomes quiet and depressed again.] *sigh*... Oh, *Frank*..! How can I..? [The room goes dark except for a single spotlight on Dr. C. (How this happened I have no idea. It just *did*.) Some music starts up (the source of which is also a mystery), and Dr. C starts singing... (Oh, and, incidently, the tune is *not* precisely that of any song from MST3K-- or anything *else* really, for that matter. It's a somewhat slow and very heartfelt song, with very simple instrumental backing, full of reminiscence and sorrow and joy... Find your own tune if you have to.)] When I was young I was alone There was no Frank I had no home. I left my world, For it would end Then I met Frank I found a friend! As time went on We took new names He be-came Frank Me Clay-timmain We played some jokes I thought it fun And so did Frank-- Not everyone... What was entertaining Made them start complaining Oh, please send my Frank back to me... Crash-landed here 'Cause of the trolls But they helped Frank And I-- *sort* of. We found a place Where we could be-- Blue Mountain, Frank! Our destiny! Though Winnowill Had her own plan, But thanks to Frank I know we *can*! Yes, we'll get back The Palace, see-- Oh, one day, Frank We'll *all* live free! We must keep on scheming To get what we're dreaming, Oh, please send my Frank back to me... Oh, we've had fun-- I know *I* have! Pun-ish-ing Frank Is such a laugh! (ha ha!) Remember all Those tricks of mine? Almost killed Frank Eight-eights of times! (*chuckle*) But Frank loves it I know it's true-- That smile-of Frank When he turns blue! But, Winnowill Has got him now-- I feel for Frank, I don't know *how*... For now I am losing-- No longer amusing, Oh, *please* send my Frank back to--- me... (*choke*) [Music ends. Dr. C sits and quietly reflects a few seconds; then he stands up and the lights come back on.] DR. C: Oh, poor Frank..! He's with *Winnowill*! And he's too stupid to *defend* himself..! I want to tell someone-- anyone-- but how? I don't dare *send* by myself when *she* might be snooping around... How can-- [looks at the equipment on the table again] Maybe I... Maybe I can use Frank's radio transmitter... Maybe the Wolfriders will be able to hear me at least... [Dr. C switches on the radio equipment. While it warms up, Dr. C takes a look around and wanders over to the little cavern which serves as Frank's "room."] DR. C: [walking to a small cubby-hole which has been shaped in the wall] Look at all this stuff of Frank's... [picks up a wristwatch] Here's that silly "Now of Wolf-Thought Watch," and... [rummages some more; picks up a book] Oh, and who could forget the "Wolfrider Cookbook..." [picks up a box of crayons and some crayon-colored comic pages] And, look at Frank's color "Elfquest" demo pages... [picks up a folder simply labeled "Ed" which contains a few sheets of paper with indecipherable scribbles on them] That's odd... Wonder what *that* is... [looks down at the floor] Oh, and there on Frank's sleeping mat-- [starting to get teary-eyed and tight-in-the-throat] it's... Nummy Muffin Coocol Runner..! [Dr. C picks up the fuzzy pink plush toy and hugs it tightly-- Dr. C is now *crying*.] [softly; to NMCR] Awwwww... You miss Frank too, don't you? Poor Nummy Muffin Coocol Ru-- [long pause] [angrily *throws* NMCR aside] YEEEEEECH! I can't believe I *did* that! *Now* I'm even talking to Frank's so-called wolf-friend! I've got... to get a hold of myself! Calm down... That's it. I'll just call the Wolfriders and maybe... maybe that will help. [Dr. C goes back to the main cavern and sits at the table in front of the ham radio equipment] DR. C: [keys microphone] Hello..? Hello..? This is... Dr. Claytimmain. Is anyone listening? Please, I know nobody can help, but... Frank has been taken by Winnowill! He's been gone a while, so who knows what terrible fate has befallen him! I don't... I don't know what to *do* without Frank! Please, if you Wolfriders can hear me, I... Well, I know you can't do anything about it right now, but, [Black scene: "Meanwhile..."] [Scene switches to the Wolfriders at the Frozen Mountains. Obviously they aren't listening to the radio, because they're currently busy trying to kill some trolls in a very bloody battle... A dead Tenspan can be seen in the background. We get a close-up of Skywise-- radio loosely dangling by his belt-- as he fights a troll, when suddenly, the troll's sword comes down at Skywise-- just missing the elf, but *smashes* against the radio and knocks it to the ground. Neither troll nor elf seems to take particular notice of this.] [Black scene: "Meanwhile..."] [Scene switches to Winnowill's lair. Frank is lying unconscious as Winnowill sits beside him. Winnowill appears deep in thought.] WINNOWILL: I don't understand-- Frank doesn't seem to know *anything* useful-- it's as if he can actually *resist* my prying! Still, he's always been the slow one of the pair; perhaps Dr. Claytimmain is solely to blame for these events... There is but one way to find out-- [black send to Dr. C] ** Doctor Claytimmain-- you must now appear before me! ** [Scene switches to Deep E-a-F. Dr. C is still trying to broadcast Frank's plight over the radio transmitter.] DR. C: [into mic] ...So, please, I just want to let you know that-- [sudden stop as Dr. C receives Winnowill's black-send] [Dr. C sets the microphone back on the table and switches off the transmitter] Well, I guess that's that... It *was* nice while it lasted... But, I *won't* go down without a fight! If there's any chance I can save Frank..! If only I could create a *diversion*, I could-- [pause] That's it! Frank's *crayons*! Why, who would have thought making Frank feel bad would have turned out to be soooo *useful*! [Dr. C runs into Frank's "room," and returns with the box of crayons; he takes a few a few crayons from the box.] I just hope these work on a so-called "healer" as well as they did on Frank..! Now let's see-- I'll just *disguise* these a bit... [Dr. C peels back the paper from the crayons and uses the "Built-in Sharpener!" in the back of the box to create a small pile of crayon shavings. Then he takes a small bag of breakfast-cereal-based snack mix from Earth and dumps the crayon shavings into the bag.] [Winnowill sends a second time-- this time more painfully] DR. C: *ooooof* [private send to Winnowill] ** Just give me a moment to *get* there, alright? ** [Dr. C closes the bag and shakes it vigorously as he quickly departs for Winnowill's lair.] [Scene switches to Winnowill's private lair. Frank is still lying unconscious. Dr. C is just arriving; he is carrying the bag of snack-mix.] WINNOWILL: Why, Dr. Claytimmain, how fortunate that you were able to get here. I'd like you to know that Frank here has been of *no* use to me whatsoever. Still, I am uncertain as to your innocence regarding certain recent events around here-- perhaps you will know more about these things..? DR. C: First you tell me, Winnowill-- what did you do to Frank here? If anyone is going to harm Frank, it will be *me*, understand? WINNOWILL: Rest assured, Dr. Claytimmain. He is but sleeping. As will you, momentarily-- if I think you are trying to hide anything from me. DR. C: I would hope that would not be necessary, Winnowill. As you know, I am... *ugh* always... pleased to assist you. WINNOWILL: As you say... DR. C: As a matter of fact, in the interest of peace, I have brought with me a small offering. [hands Winnowill the bag of snack-mix] WINNOWILL: [inspecting the contents of the bag] What is this? It looks like nothing of this world... DR. C: You are correct. This is an example of food from a world called "Earth." Frank and I obtained it through contacts we have reached there using Egg. WINNOWILL: Then that would explain the strange object Frank was carrying away from Egg some days ago. [looks curiously at the snack-mix; she cautiously tastes it] Tell me more about your off-world contacts, Dr. Claytimmain... [More eagerly now, Winnowill takes a larger handful of snack-mix and eats it] Say, this food *is* quite tasty-- I'd like to thank you for your generosity-- [eats another handful] Mmmmm... I feel so *pleasant*..! [another big handful] Yes..! [a bit "spacey" now] Oh, look at the colors... Swirling colors! It's soooo gooood! [Winnowill seems to have lost her usually tight grip on reality, and apparently doesn't yet realize that she can-- or *should*-- try to do anything about it...] [Winnowill dances around the room, skipping gaily among her hallucinations, eating more snack-mix as she does so. Dr. Claytimmain just stands there and watches-- he is quietly chuckling to himself.] WINNOWILL: [unnaturally cheery] Here, Dr. Claytimmain! Flowers! Would you be so kind as to put them in my hair? [Winnowill is, of course, holding no flowers, but Dr. C plays along and "arranges" them in her hair.] So long, Dr. Claytimmain! I must join my friends of the forest! The white flowers and pink ravvits are calling to me! [Winnowill hums a happy tune as she skips around some more-- and then suddenly stumbles and falls to the floor in a stupor.] DR. C: [rather pleased] Y'know, Winnowill should eat crayons more often..! Now to wake up Frank-- but Winnowill might have done something to his mind... if there's a *mind* in there to do anything *with*... Maybe if-- [As Dr. C ponders this, Frank cautiously opens one eye-- then, apparently satisfied that it is safe to do so, he raises up, fully awake.] DR. C: Hmm... Perhaps if I just-- [notices Frank is awake and sitting there watching him] [joyful surprise] Wha--? Frank! You're awake! What happened? What did Winnowill do to you..? Where did-- Oh, *Meyntos*, my *friend*! FRANK: [teary happiness] Oh, Zeemah! [Dr. C and Frank hug] DR. C: I was so... so *worried* about you..! FRANK: Thanks for helping me there... Y'know, though, I thought withdrawing myself from Winnowill would be more difficult than it turned out-- it wasn't really that bad at all..! DR. C: Well, if anyone could do it, I knew it had to be you! FRANK: [blushing] Thanks, Dr. C. What say we get out of here though? This place really makes my insides churn... DR. C: Uh--- don't you think we ought to *do* something first? FRANK: What? DR. C: *sigh* How about wiping "Sweet Winnie's" *mind* here so she doesn't remember anything which just happened here-- or any of the actions which made her suspicious of us in the first place! FRANK: Oh! Good idea. But what about the crayons? DR. C: What about them? I'm taking the "doctored" Earth-food back with me. She'll never know what happened. FRANK: No, I mean-- remember what happened to *me* that time? Even if I make her forget *why*, she's going to feel so very *ill* when she finally wakes up! DR. C: [brightly] Yes, I know! [evil grin] Oh, if only she weren't a *healer*..! Maybe you could make her forg-- oh, never mind. [Frank briefly goes into a slight trance] FRANK: OK, that should take care of that. DR. C: Say, Frank, I've got one question for you. FRANK: What? DR. C: Well, you were able to withdraw your mind from Winnowill, right? FRANK: Right... DR. C: Well, why couldn't you have *black* sent her and get it all *over* with right away..? FRANK: I don't know. Why would I want to *black* *send* anyone? It's not very nice. DR. C: *sigh* Frank? I don't know *why*, but-- I think that's one of the things I like most about you. [smiles at Frank; pats him on the back] Let's go. FRANK: [happy] Yes, let's! [Frank suddenly stops] Oh, wait-- hold on a moment. [now really happy] It's Door! [suddenly seems a bit concerned] She feels so *sad*..! She's trying to tell me something... [Scene goes black: "Meanwhile..."] [Scene switches to the now-deserted battlefield at the Frozen Mountains. Everything is silent now save the low howls of the wind-- as it gently dusts the blood-stained battle-ground with pure white snow. Quietly at first, then louder, we hear the crunching of boots against snow. A slow pan of the area stops with Skywise's radio visible (but half-covered in snow) in the near foreground. The crunching noises stop as a pair of short stumpy legs covered in furry boots appear; we never see the entire figure, but it kneels down and drops its burden-- One Eye's body-- and a gloved hand picks up the radio. A quiet "Hmmmm..." is heard, and the figure picks up the body (apparently slinging it over his shoulder) with an audible "Uuuumf!" and the figure slowly walks away with footfalls diminishing into the distance... ] ...you know the rest! ^ This Episode of Mystery Elfquest Theater is Dedicated to / \ the Recently Departed Character of TV's Frank from MST3K. < > May TV's Frank Find Eternal Peace in Second-Banana Heaven, \ / and may Frank Conniff Find Happiness in Whatever New Projects v he may Find in the Wide World of Show Business and Comedy. Good luck! And, *thanks*, Frank! ---------- COMING UP: MET \5670 -- Show \120: Hoo boy. Two-eights of these things. Even if you didn't like most of these shows recently, I think you'll find *something* to appreciate in this one. Its rather enigmatic subtitle is "Dr. Claytimmain Meets Mr. Ed." You *don't* want to know what that means yet. MET \5670 -- Show \121: The Go-Backs are having a dance, and you're invited! "Join us" for this special musical episode of Mystery Elfquest Theater! Or not! --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Copyright (c) 1995 by Martin Kuhn. Permission is granted to redistribute this document to other forums, use printed copies to make origami send-stars, or whatever, provided these notices are left intact and no compensation is gained or requested. Elfquest, its characters, situations, logos, and their distinctive likenesses are trademarks of WaRP Graphics, Inc. All Rights Reserved Worldwide. Mystery Science Theater 3000, its characters, situations, and other story elements are the property of Best Brains, Inc. No endorsement by WaRP Graphics or Best Brains is expressed or implied by these statements. This parody was written in the spirit of fun, and is not intended to cause any harm to the abovementioned companies or their products. This is your brain. @ This is your brain on Elfquest. ^@^ Any questions? Original words and music for "Please Send My Frank Back To Me" written by Marty Kuhn. Or, would, if I could write music. Yes, I *know*, the mere idea of having *original* music in a purely *textual* work makes about as much sense as having an acrobatic troupe perform on a radio broadcast, but, eh, what are you gonna do..? :-)