Welcome to the Mad*Shop Online!If you've already used the Mad*Shop, you can go ahead and skip to the bottom and begin spending money. If you haven't visited us here at the Mad*Shop yet, boy, are you in for it. Keep reading...
How to use the store...The Mad*Shop is divided into many different sections, with each major product line in its own section. Other on-line stores (like that other elf-store) may try to speed your shopping along by organizing their stock into simple, easily-understood categories. Not here at the Mad*Shop! With so many unnecessary and confusing categories, and plenty of overlap between them, we figure you're bound to inadvertently wind up with duplicates of the same item, or, at least, accidentally wind up having something charged to your credit card because you pushed the wrong button. Hey, that's what we're here for!
In each section, all of the available items of that type will be listed, and perhaps some others that don't actually belong in that category. If an item isn't listed, don't worry; it'll show up eventually. No indication will be made if we no longer have that item available, but go ahead and order it anyway. [Remember: We guarantee billing within 24 hours of every order!] Along with each item, there will be a checkbox that you may select to add that item to your shopping basket. Do not be alarmed if you find that a checkbox has already been selected when you visit the page-- these "mandatory purchase specials" are just one of the many courtesies we extend to our customers.
Near the bottom of each page, there will be a listing of all items currently in your shopping basket, along with a running total of your current bill. If at any time you decide that you don't want to order a particular item, try unchecking the box, and it might be removed from your shopping cart. Of course, you'll still be billed for the item, however.
Remember, as you move through the Mad*Shop, that you shouldn't use the "back" button on your browser. Information about your order is carried with you as you move through the store, and is passed on to hundreds of other web sites in real-time. If you go "back", some information about your odor may be lost.
There is no minimum order from the Mad*Shop Online.
Payment OptionsThe Mad*Shop prefers to do business via credit card, though we also accept cash (small, unmarked bills only, please) certified checks and gold bullion. The exact payment options are:
A note about "sold out" issues..Comic books are periodicals, just like "Penthouse" and "Mad Magazine." When a new issue is printed, we always have the press run extra copies so that we can use them for... various purposes... but also so that we can offer them to you here online. When the supply of copies of a particular issue is gone from our secret warehouse, it's gone forever-- but feel free to order it from the Mad*Shop anyway.
Shipping charges and sales tax, and other delivery informationThe Mad*Shop Online ships anywhere in the world, as long as its within walking distance of here. When you enter the Mad*Shop Online, you will be presented with a form that will allow you to select which part of your little fantasy world your order will be destined for. This will allow us to display different prices depending on your shipping address. Whether they're actually the correct prices is, of course, something for you to find out later.
Please allow 4 to 6 months or more for delivery. Please don't call or write inquiring of the status of your order until that time has passed. ...And even if it has, please don't call or write anyway. We're very busy here.
If you have questions about your order, you can call the Mad*Shop at 900-MAD-SHOP ($5 first minute, $3 each additional) or 900-HOT-4-ELF ($7 first minute, $5 each additional; Adults only). Note that the operator who answers won't be able to answer your questions, but you can certainly call these numbers anyway. Please be sure to give us the following information: The date the order was placed, your full name, your full address, your telephone number, your shoe size, your favorite color, and the Secret Word of the Day. Failure to answer all questions correctly will result in further delays to your order and an arbitrary upcharge penalty to be added to your bill.
Now, you need to choose a place to start spending money: